LET A CHILD LISTEN TO HIS HEART
PURNIMA RAMAKRISHNA shares some personal experience about the joys of heart-based parenting.
Yesterday night at bedtime my nine-year-old son said, “I am so happy to be going to
school tomorrow.”
I asked, “What is so special tomorrow?”
“We have science lab tomorrow.”
“So why do you like the science lab?”
“There are so many jars with specimens in them, and if I ask my teacher she tells me about them again and again.
There are different bottles with chemicals and very funny names to pronounce, and my friends and I like to say them
aloud and play with the sounds. There are charts and charts of the internal organs of the body, and there is a
skeleton too.”
He continued excitedly for half an hour. Need I say more? My day was made to note his interest in science.
I have always asked myself, what is my goal as a parent, as a mother? What are my duties and responsibilities to my little one? When I gaze at him, with all my love, thoughts fly away. It is like my heart takes over, and my mind stills. And then my parenting obligations do not stand out, only my love does.
What is my goal as a parent,
as a mother?
What are my duties and responsibilities
to my little one?
I can let him be that eager science student in the science lab and answer his eager questions patiently. I can let him observe nature and people. I can let a him be curious and feed his curiosity.
I can take him up to the terrace on a starry night and point out the stars. I can get him an amateur telescope and look at the craters in the moon. And we did that. Now he proudly points to the Great Bear constellation. We speak of Indian names too – like this is the Saptharishi constellation, which denotes the seven sages. This has become a ritual, each time we are out in the dark, he feels compelled to search for this constellation. It is interesting to note his enthusiasm.
We can let children see the wonders of Nature. Plant seeds together. See them germinate; observe the buds, how they open up into flowers, and how they wither away. And eventually become sweet fruits instead.
We can show children how people are different, with different languages and colours, residing in different countries. At the same time, we can show them how they all smile the same way, hug the same way, and live as mothers and fathers with babies in a family, in the same way. We can show them differences, yet explain how it all culminates in oneness.
We can tap everyday experiences to show them resilience and grit, when they are hurt physically. And when they lose friends and make new friends, we can show them how to be in a state of acceptance and move on in life. These everyday incidents create deeper understanding in their hearts and minds. And a parent is the best person to do that.
To show your child that the world is a beautiful place with beautiful people is not a major feat. But we also have to show them that other not-so-beautiful elements exist, when they are ready for it. We can watch the news together for a few minutes, and let them know what is happening in other parts of the world. Business, inventions, war and crime – they all bring growth in a child. Even war can be explained to an older child, and how it can be avoided. Gautama the Buddha’s father shielded him from the miseries of life, but eventually he found out, and with a shock. So, problems need not be avoided completely.
I want my son
to learn the art of introspection too.
I want him
to correlate all
experiences to deeper understandings.
And for that he needs
to look within,
listen to his heart…
We can teach values and morals in everyday life. Let children learn about poverty in poor homes and hence not waste food in the kitchen in their own homes.
I want to be that science teacher from his school whom my son adores so much. I want to teach him as she does, and create wonder and excitement, and fun and joy. I want my son to learn, to open his heart to life.
I want him to focus on happiness and contentment over and above the race for success.
At the same time, I want my son to learn the art of introspection too. I want him to correlate all experiences to deeper understandings. And for that he needs to look within, listen to his heart, follow it with courage and conviction, be responsible and mature.
So many wishes, I have for my nine-year-old son, already!
But when the heart takes over, all of these are fulfilled, and much more beyond my vision and understanding.
Conscious Parenting is not an art or a science. It is that ability in a parent to bring out their child’s willingness to listen to his heart, and develop that courage in his heart to do so.
Conscious Parenting means to develop the confidence in a child that no matter what happens their heart will always guide them rightly.
A parent is truly successful when a child grows up to be an adult who is fully content and satisfied with the way he is living his life and fulfilling his goals.
And in this context, I am reminded of this beautiful letter written by a parent to his son’s teacher, and often attributed to Abraham Lincoln:
He will have to learn, I know,
that all men are not just,
all men are not true.
But teach him also that
for every scoundrel there is a hero;
that for every selfish Politician,
there is a dedicated leader…
Teach him for every enemy there is a friend,
Steer him away from envy,
if you can,
teach him the secret of
quiet laughter.
Let him learn early that
the bullies are the easiest to lick…
Teach him, if you can,
the wonder of books…
But also give him quiet time
to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky,
bees in the sun,
and the flowers on a green hillside.
In the school teach him
it is far honourable to fail
than to cheat…
Teach him to have faith
in his own ideas,
even if everyone tells him
they are wrong…
Teach him to be gentle
with gentle people,
and tough with the tough.Try to give my son
the strength not to follow the crowd
when everyone is getting on the band wagon…
Teach him to listen to all men…
but teach him also to filter
all he hears on a screen of truth,
and take only the good
that comes through.
Teach him if you can,
how to laugh when he is sad…
Teach him there is no shame in tears,
Teach him to scoff at cynics
and to beware of too much sweetness…
Teach him to sell his brawn
and brain to the highest bidders
but never to put a price-tag
on his heart and soul.
Teach him to close his ears
to a howling mob
and to stand and fight
if he thinks he’s right.
Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him,
because only the test
of fire makes fine steel.
Let him have the courage
to be impatient…
let him have the patience to be brave.
Teach him always
to have sublime faith in himself,
because then he will have
sublime faith in mankind.
This is a big order,
but see what you can do…
He is such a fine fellow,
my son!
Article by PURNIMA RAMAKRISHNA
