GAYATHRI PRAKASH speaks about the changes she has gone through after marriage – leaving her own family and living with her husband’s family, who have different traditions. Confronting her prejudices and expectations, she is learning acceptance and to see the beauty in diversity.
Very often I wonder what life would have been like if my family were not on a spiritual path and us kids were not born into that way of life.
Very often I come across people who speak of different beliefs. Somewhere the undercurrents of all these belief systems unify. So I would like to touch upon this point in particular because I believe that this is the principal of all belief systems.
I must first write more about myself, and how my life’s stability lies in the openness that has been created by my family and their way of life. I, Gayathri Prakash, am a naturally stubborn and sensitive being. I see many spirited young people my age being the same.
After my wedding, I stumbled upon difficulties that I made sure I complicated as much as possible. Simply saying “Yes” and “No” bore new meaning for me. My level of acceptance was a tad lower than I could accept myself. My husband spoke from his heart all the time and there was something in him that I do not find in many of us today, not limited to age or sex. He was always non-expectant, accepting everything that came his way without even flinching.
What is this expectation that all of us have? I speak to a lot of my friends and they are very reluctant to get married. And one of the many reasons I hear often is, “Gayathri, you are lucky to be married into a family that is similar to yours, but it is not the same everywhere.” A part of this I understand, because the family I married into follow a spiritual path similar to mine.
Coming back to the reluctance to engage, the way I see it is that our expectations are far beyond satisfaction levels. These expectations are complications the human mind creates. For instance a behavior that was accepted at my parents’ home is difficult to accept at my husband’s family home. We create such barriers in our minds. Isn’t this the time for us to let our hearts think and our minds feel?
I very often make the mistake of judging a situation without knowing the full picture, and time and again I have been warned by my husband that I am jumping to conclusions. But what to do then? Now I sit down and reflect on what I have done. I must tell you that I always do this with an open heart and a mind. And if I am able to rationalize my decision I explain it, but if I am unable to rationalize I accept that I have made a mistake and apologize for the same.
My husband’s family has become more open and more progressive in the way they think, thanks to their spiritual practice. This came as a pleasant surprise to me, because my mind was closed to the fact that I had married into a family that would give me enough freedom to do what I wanted and encourage me to be the person I wish to be. For instance, when I questioned some ritualistic Hindu practices, they were open to hearing my point of view in healthy conversations. As for encouragement, when I spoke to my husband about starting a business, he was immediately thrilled and helped me. And I was backed and encouraged by the entire family. They give me equal and sometimes more opportunities. But why did I not see it before?
Ego.
Most of us are slaves to this part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious. While ego is a person’s identity, it is ‘mind made’ and usually a character given to the physical body. Rarely do we associate our identity with the soul.
How open are we to refine ourselves?
Between transitions from one space to another, the mind works a number of times faster, creating a defense structure for whatever is to come. The attraction of negative thoughts is not inherited, but the removal of these negative thoughts is inherited from the teachings of our parents who have sown that seed of acceptance.
In the world today each family, each system, and each individual is attached to a system of belief. It could be a spiritual path, a religious path, or an atheistic path. But each of these inevitably leans on love. Giving love is something that is inculcated within each of us from the roots. Educating us to be more open to what is to come.
When a person consciously remembers
to hold on to this principle called ‘Love’
at every instance of his life,
without any expectations, it will slowly change him from within.
When that change happens it will reflect outwards
into the world through his eyes.
Eventually it becomes a habit that gives the soul satisfaction.
When a person consciously remembers to hold on to this principle called ‘Love’ at every instance of his life, without any expectations, it will slowly change him from within. When that change happens it will reflect outwards into the world through his eyes. Eventually it becomes a habit that gives the soul satisfaction. I will tell you one last thing: our hearts are bound by the roots of our existence, so if we pay enough attention to our own we help uncomplicate the virtues we pass on to generations to come.
The goal is one and the path is Love – the Principle of Many.
Article by GAYATHRI PRAKASH
