Inderjeet kaur

Uday

Wakanyi is a Global Education Specialist, writer, editor, storyteller, and founder of the African Folktales Project. The theme of peaceful, cross-cultural cooperation is a common thread in her writing and personal life. For more than a decade she has lived in 7 countries, on 3 continents, as a global nomad, developing a rich intercultural intelligence built upon her training as a journalist.

Wakanyi Hoffman

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>
 WAKANYI HOFFMAN
 is a Global Education Specialist and founder of the African Folktales
 Project. Here, she speaks with
 SARA BUBBER
 about the value of storytelling and passing down wisdom through generations,
 her Kikuyu culture, and how all of us are indigenous people contributing to
 the world.
</h4>

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 Q: Hello Wakanyi. It is a pleasure to meet with you today. I love listening
 to stories, reading them, and meeting people who tell stories, so I’m very
 happy we are talking.



 WH: Thank you!
 I’m also quite excited to have this conversation with you, Sara.



 Q: In the Heartfulness community, we often talk about the Wisdom Bridge –
 the transfer of wisdom from elders to youth, and from youth to elders,
 because learning is a dual process. It signifies the relationship between
 traditional cultural heritage and wisdom, and the present. What is the
 importance of the Wisdom Bridge from your perspective?



 WH: Wow, that’s a
 really important way of framing it! Off the top of my head, the Wisdom Bridge
 is a rite of passage from one generation to another. It signifies the idea of
 passing the baton from the old to the young, so that they become custodians of
 knowledge, whether that is cultural knowledge, spiritual knowledge, or values.



 Of course, there is reciprocity as well. Children offer wisdom to the old, so
 there is a kind of remembrance for our elders that wisdom is an ongoing
 pursuit, and that they can gather wisdom from the young as much as they can
 gather from their peers. Then, the other way around, elders are passing down
 wisdom to the younger generation, signifying, “It is our task to carry you
 forward.”



 To some degree, I see the Wisdom Bridge as a reminder that we are all
 indigenous to this planet. It is very important to hold that in our hearts, to
 understand that we’re all human beings and our knowledge is ancient. It has
 been growing. It never ended. We tend to put indigenous people to the side and
 have parallel worlds going on. I think it’s important to recall, and to recall
 from each other, that we are all indigenous to our planet.



 For me, the Wisdom Bridge is a symbolic movement of knowledge from one
 generation to another. It is also a symbolic movement from one culture to
 another. That way, we’re not stuck. You can take the wisdom and knowledge that
 has been passed down to you and recreate it, using it to learn about others.
 It is also a bridge to other worlds. There’s a lot there. I see it as a rite
 of passage from one generation to the next, and a way to connect with others
 who do not come from your cultural background.



 It is the gift of elders to the next generation, and it is a way for elders to
 recall who they were when they were younger, receiving that gift from others.
 There’s a whole exchange of knowledge that goes on when that is allowed to
 happen.



 Q: I really like what you said about it being a rite of passage and a gift.
 It’s a wonderful gift! As you said, we often keep indigenous people aside,
 so we are losing out on their wisdom.



 The Wisdom Bridge is creaky and in need of repair. The relationships
 between grandparents and grandchildren, tribes and urban populations, are
 not so strong now. Many of our ancient cultures are either being absorbed
 into modern urban life, or people are moving away from them. So we are
 losing a lot of wisdom from our past. This affects all areas of lifestyle.
 What can we do to save and preserve the bridge that we have?


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 First of all, I want to start on a hopeful note. I’d like to think of this as
 the audacity of hope – we are all human beings, and we are all indigenous to
 this world. Yes, there is a crisis around how much of our old oral traditions
 and cultural knowledge have been passed on, whether it’s to global modern
 culture, or national modern culture. There is definitely a big divide between
 indigenous knowledge and the rest of the world, however, I believe that all
 the knowledge is carried in every generation. Like we started off with the
 idea of the Wisdom Bridge, I believe my mother holds within her heart the
 knowledge of the past. Now she’s living as a modern woman, but that knowledge
 lives somewhere in her.



 It’s less a question of where to find the knowledge, and more an issue of how
 to open up the path; for people to open their hearts to share the knowledge.
 It’s a living thing. And we can recover that knowledge through storytelling.
 Telling stories is something inherently human.



 We all tell stories. You and I are telling stories now, and we’re telling
 stories on social media, and we’re telling stories on the news. We’re telling
 stories with friends when we gather, and when we’re at the supermarket we’re
 telling a story. I believe a story is a living thing, and it lives from one
 person to the next. As soon as we have a conversation, we exchange some form
 of story. You will carry part of my story with you, and I will carry part of
 your story with me. That’s the link.



 We can bring storytelling into classrooms, so that children who no longer live
 in their indigenous communities, or rural communities, where a lot of this
 culture and wisdom is practiced don’t have to lose it. We just shift it to the
 masses.


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 The Wisdom Bridge is a symbolic movement of knowledge from one
 generation to another. It is also a symbolic movement from one
 culture to another.
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 Also, indigenous knowledge and wisdom is not something that is stuck in the
 past. It is not lost; it is living in modern populations. It’s just not being
 utilized in the same way that it was in its indigenous settings. There’s a
 need to recall it from each other. The power of storytelling is such that we
 can recall the past by beginning from where we’re standing.



 If you know a folktale from your own community, that is a way to recall some
 part of your indigenous heritage. The more people are telling stories from the
 past, the more we are recollecting that knowledge and bringing it into the
 present. We don’t necessarily need to move backwards. In fact, that’s what the
 hesitation usually is.



 There is the challenge of how to embrace indigenous cultures in the modern
 world. I think that’s the wrong question to ask. We are all indigenous. We’re
 indigenous to this planet. The question should be, “How do we work together?
 How do we bridge the gap?” One good way is to open up the avenues of
 storytelling, whether it’s digitally, through social media, or orally. Create
 storytelling sessions. In that way, we begin to discover where we have
 deviated, and the cultural values and principles we’re still applying to our
 modern world that are from the indigenous past.



 Don’t forget, also, that indigenous folk have been moving on. They’re not
 stuck in the past. They are using knowledge that they have refined over time.
 Through storytelling and openly wanting to learn about each other, we create
 the space where knowledge is considered as another source of being, rather
 than separate from who we are.



 I think storytelling is the answer to your question. I have realized that we
 are made up of stories; it is our stories that feed us. If we’re able to
 understand that and bring indigenous wisdom into schools, without distorting
 the way knowledge is passed down (usually, orally is the best way to do it)
 then we will regenerate and recollect this wisdom.



 Q: This dialogue is breaking a lot of myths: for example, indigenous people
 are not stuck in the past, we are all indigenous, and we are not separate
 from each other. These are great insights.



 WH: There are
 age-old traditions all over the world. What are the initiatives you are taking
 up in your culture as a storyteller to bring them back, to tap into them, and
 to open things up?



 I’m a Global Education Specialist, and through my research I discovered the UN
 Sustainable Development Goals. I discovered that there’s a lot of talk about
 how to engage children in classrooms to understand and embrace the SDGs, and
 how they can become better-informed global citizens who can find solutions to
 the challenges of achieving these goals.



 But the SDGs are complex for young children. So how can we package them for
 young children who just want to be children? They want to play and learn and
 be happy. They don’t want to be bothered by big ideas about what the world
 looks like, and what the problems of the world are. Take climate change, for
 instance. Even though we’ve seen an amazing movement of children around the
 world protesting for climate justice, there’s still a big question mark around
 how they truly understand the crisis itself. They can understand that there is
 a lot of pollution, there are a lot of fires and earthquakes, but to what
 extent do they understand that this major crisis could signify the end of
 times as we know them?



 As a result of my research, I founded the African Folktales Project. I
 collected African folktales that contain ideas about sustainability, and
 through that process I discovered that all folktales have some lesson or idea
 about the future. A lot of stories are about conflict between humans and
 wildlife, and about climate issues like drought. There are a lot of African
 folktales related to climate change. This was a very exciting discovery for
 me. I realized that storytelling was one of the ways I could bring the
 Sustainable Development Goals to the classroom, so as to help kids understand
 them and get inspired to do something.



 So, I started taking stories tied to the 17 SDGs and reimagining them. For
 example, I have taken a story about a big fire that happened, and how the fire
 was put out and the land was regenerated and recovered. I’ll use the same
 characters, the moral of the story remains, but I reimagine it in the present
 time. Often, folktales are set in the past, so they are not relevant to kids
 growing up in today’s world, especially when you’re telling stories to
 children in modern settings versus indigenous settings. As I tell these
 stories, I ask the children to take them and remake them, recreate them. It is
 that Wisdom Bridge you were talking about initially – passing down stories and
 leaving them incomplete, so they can have ownership of the stories.


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<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 I’m trying to create an environment in which we can embrace the
 idea that these are our stories 
 – all of us indigenous people on planet Earth.
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 I’m deconstructing the idea of folktales being held by a certain group of
 people. I’m trying to create an environment in which we can embrace the idea
 that these are our stories – all of us indigenous people on planet Earth. I
 don’t discount the fact that the stories came from a certain space, but even
 within an indigenous population there is a clear understanding that stories
 never had an original storyteller anyway. A story was always meant to be
 passed down. When I heard a story from my grandmother, she couldn’t possibly
 tell me where the story originally came from. The objective was for me to take
 the story, use it in my own life, and pass it on to my children. That keeps
 the stories going.



 This is one of the ways I’m trying to promote storytelling, promote indigenous
 wisdom, especially in my country, Kenya, where there is a rich oral tradition
 from indigenous cultures that is not seen any more in classrooms.



 I’ve transformed the stories into podcasts, and next year I will publish a
 book of the first series of UN SDG folktales. I’m trying to use as many forms
 of communication and media as possible – digital, audio, and live sessions in
 schools. These stories can become our stories, not stuck in one space.


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 Even within indigenous communities, there is a concern that children are not
 always told stories by their elders, because of the formalities of going to
 school and the way in which the culture has been separated from formal
 education. So, I’m hoping that these storytelling sessions will also engage
 indigenous elders in the process of recollecting, retelling, and recreating
 their stories. Then we’re all learning from each other, and we’re doing
 something relevant for the times with what we already have.



 I’m trying to bridge and marry cultures through storytelling, using folktales
 as a pedagogical approach to learning more about who we are.


To be continued.

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 Interview by SARA BUBBER Illustrations by SANTANU CHATTERJEE
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We are all indigenous global citizens – part 1

Nasreen mustafa

B Singh

Pravin Parekh

Sangeeta

Kiran Babu

Nawal Kishore singh

Jigna Dholakia

KB Raju

shashanka

Vaishnavi

Marta

Dr. Parvaiz was the Vice Chancellor of Maulana Azad National Urdu University in Hyderabad, India, from 2015 to 2020, and before that was the Principal of Zakir Husain College, Delhi University. He is a science communicator with six books and many articles and book chapters to his credit. Since 1994, he has also been the founding editor of Urdu Science, a popular science and environment monthly, and heads the Islamic Foundation for Science and Environment (India), a non-profit charitable organization.



Aslam Parvaiz

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>
 DR. ASLAM PARVAIZ
 is a teacher with a passion. Coming from the Islamic tradition, he integrates
 the wisdom of the Quran with a scientific attitude toward Nature, the
 environment, and our responsibility as human beings. In November 2020, DR.
 PARVAIZ was interviewed by
 ELIZABETH DENLEY and KAMBIZ RAVAN
 from the Heartfulness Institute.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 ED: Welcome, Dr. Parvaiz. Since we first met a few years back, I have been
 touched by your passion for integrating modern scientific approaches about
 Nature and our current climate crisis with the wisdom traditions of the
 Quran and Islam. Why is this so important for you?



 <a href="AP:"
 >AP:</a
 >
 It’s not science per se, but the need to have a scientific attitude. My
 passion is for Muslims all over the world to understand the logic behind the
 practices in the Quran. Whatever is happening around the globe today in the
 name of Islam is not what is offered in the Quran, which is a book for the
 entire humanity.



 What you find there will depend on your capacity, your willingness, and your
 desire to know and internalize the teachings. While I challenge the way people
 currently practice Islam, my approach is not at all controversial, as it is
 based on the Quran.



 ED: Can you please tell us about the importance of Nature, ecology, and the
 environment in Islam?



 AP: I would start
 with the first verse of the Quran, which says that God created the Earth for
 all living beings. Second, the Quran says that if you wish to count
 the bounties of God, you will not be able to do so. Nature has gifted us all
 with countless bounties in the form of resources. Third, the Quran says that
 whatever resources are there, they are to be distributed amongst us all. All
 creatures in the Universe reflect the creativity of God. Fourth, the Quran
 defines the position of humankind as the custodians, the khalifa,
 with the role of protecting the environment and protecting the Earth’s
 resources.


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<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 All creatures in the Universe reflect the creativity of God.
</h5>

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 <figure>
 <img
 width="600"
 height="371"
 alt=""
 class="has-img-center lazyloaded"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/Ancient_Wisdom_nature_2_2e9fc1798e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-19T14:50:36.600Z"
 />
 </figure>
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 Whatever resources are there in Nature move from one place to another by the
 Law of Diffusion, which tells us that things move from a region of high
 concentration to a region of low concentration. For example, when you add
 water to a bowl of dry soil through a dropper, the water will spread
 throughout the bowl. Only once the soil becomes saturated with the water will
 it start accumulating on top of the soil. The movement of air, which controls
 the temperature and the climate, uses the same process of diffusion. When air
 pressure decreases, air rushes in. The same is true of the action of gases in
 our body, in our lungs. Hemoglobin in our blood has the capacity to bond with
 carbon dioxide and with oxygen, depending upon the concentration. If more
 oxygen is there, hemoglobin picks up oxygen, whereas if more carbon dioxide is
 there, it picks up carbon dioxide. So, our capacity to breathe in oxygen and
 breathe out carbon dioxide is because of diffusion. This Law of Diffusion is
 operating everywhere in Nature.



 Similarly, the Law of Diffusion tells us how to share resources: Where there
 is a need, the resources must go. There is no need for hoarding or reserving
 things for near and dear ones for generations to come, whether it is money,
 property, food, or anything else. The planet is for all. Distribution of
 resources should be as per the need of the moment.


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 <img
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 The planet is for all. Distribution of resources should be as per the need of the moment.
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 The Quran also says to establish balance. Don’t disturb the balance of Nature.
 Don’t spread impurity, like corruption and pollution. Air pollution is an
 imbalance of gases in the atmosphere. In Islamic countries we don’t have a
 strong awareness of environmental consciousness and protection, yet it is part
 of Islam.



 The Quran talks of Ibadat, which means submission to the divine laws
 or principles. Often the word is understood as “worship” or “prayer,” which
 has then been reduced to praying five times a day, fasting for thirty days a
 year, traveling once a year to Mecca for Hajj, and giving 2.5% of
 wealth to charity as Zakat. I call this cherry picking. We have
 picked those few practices from the Quran and made them mandatory, forgetting
 all the other practices that are there, including those about the environment
 and Nature, about service, and so many other things that are designed to make
 a person a wonderful human being.



 The human-centric approach is missing. While it is wonderful to do prayer five
 times a day, is your prayer helping the poor lady who is your neighbor, who
 has nothing to feed her kids? There are so many people who are hungry, and the
 Quran tells us that giving food to a person in need is our duty.



 KR: Why is the color green associated with Islam?



 AP: For us, green
 is the symbol of peace, productivity, and tranquility. When we talk about
 peace, there are two important words: one is “Islam” and the other is
 “Iman.” Iman is usually translated as “faith,” but it also
 has the same root as the word for peace, “Aman.” The root word
 “slm” has eight meanings, one of which is “peace,” and another is
 “productivity and growth.” So, if someone says they are a Muslim, the true
 meaning is that they are a harbinger of peace. They are at peace with
 themselves, and everyone should feel peaceful with them.


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 <figure>
 <img
 width="600"
 height="400"
 alt=""
 class="has-img-center lazyloaded"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/Ancient_Wisdom_nature_4_jpg_336089c5cc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-19T14:55:45.625Z"
 />
 </figure>
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 For us, green is the symbol of peace, productivity, and tranquility.
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 They do not give any offense to anyone or anything, either mental or physical.



 How does Nature work? After the Industrial Revolution, with the fallout of air
 and water pollution, it dawned on us that the green trees in our neighborhoods
 are themselves a huge industry. They produce so many resources and chemicals,
 giving so many products to humanity, such as dyes and medicines, yet the
 industry inside the tree is creating all these things without pollution,
 without heat, and without noise. That is why the shift is now toward
 bioproducts, because we know that Nature’s models are better than our
 human-made models. In Nature, things are always in balance.


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 <figure>
 <img
 width="600"
 height="400"
 alt=""
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/Ancient_Wisdom_nature_5_7ffa99e44d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-19T14:57:43.496Z"
 />
 </figure>
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 Balance is important everywhere. Now, balance and justice are the same thing.
 Where there is justice, there will be balance without chaos, because things
 are at peace. In Nature, peace is prevalent because the divine laws are in
 operation. When we are in sync with Nature, we feel peace. The entire Universe
 is tuned with us, and I call this, “Swimming with the current.” The moment we
 don’t follow the natural laws, for example, when we hoard wealth, disrespect
 our spouse, are cruel to our kids, a neighbor, or workers, we feel uneasy and
 not at peace, because these things are against Nature.



 We become disturbed, then angry, frustrated, depressed, and eventually we may
 even feel suicidal. This is the sequence which arises from the internal
 situation where we are not comfortable. So being in sync with Nature is
 important, and this is what the Quran tells us.


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<hr />

<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 Balance is important everywhere. Now, balance and justice are the same
 thing. Where there is justice, there will be balance without chaos,
 because things are at peace. In Nature, peace is prevalent because the
 divine laws are in operation. When we are in sync with Nature, we feel
 peace.
</h5>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 ED: If you were to advise young people today how to find peace, what would
 you tell them?



 AP: I would tell
 them what I have practiced and implemented myself, which is to follow the
 natural laws. For example, in the Quran it says, “We have created the children
 of Adam [meaning all human beings] to be respected.” It is a divine principle
 to respect all people. Whatever their color, religion, race, language, and
 gender, they must be respected. This is binding on all of us.


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 <figure>
 <img
 width="600"
 height="400"
 alt=""
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/Ancient_Wisdom_nature_6_2dd97fedad.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-19T15:04:52.322Z"
 />
 </figure>
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 When we respect people, it means we respect their likes and dislikes, we
 respect their faith, their dress, and everything else. We have ours, but we
 have no problem with theirs being different. When we are able to do this, it
 is Ibadat. If we are respectful 24/7, it is acceptance of the divine
 laws.



 Next, the Quran tells us to speak in the best way – no foul language, no
 abuse, no taunts, no sarcasm, etc. This is again a divine principle. So, if
 someone abuses us, no matter who it is, do nothing! Our duty is to be nice.
 This is a hot topic today, just as it has always been. The Quran tells us that
 when we are in the company of people who are speaking badly, simply move away
 and join them again after they have finished. Don’t react. The human
 connection is very important, as all human beings are brothers and sisters
 coming from one source. There is no specific Islamic brotherhood. The human
 brotherhood is supreme – we must respect everyone. If we don’t respect a
 household helper, or even our spouse or partner, it doesn’t help.


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<hr />

<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 When we respect people, it means we respect their likes and dislikes,
 we respect their faith, their dress, and everything else. We have
 ours, but we have no problem with theirs being different. When we
 are able to do this, it is Ibadat. If we are respectful
 24/7, it is acceptance of the divine laws.
</h5>

<hr />

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 <figure>
 <img
 width="600"
 height="286"
 alt=""
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
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 />
 </figure>
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<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 The human connection is very important, as all human beings are brothers and sisters coming from one source.
</h5>

<hr />

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 The Quran also tells us to accept all the revered books from all traditions,
 right from the Vedas, to the Torah and the Bible, etc., and to accept all the
 Prophets that have been sent. A few we know, thousands we don’t know. I
 believe that the Vedas were the first divine books. The wisdom is the same.
 Many of the slokas of the Vedas are exactly the same as the verses of the
 Quran. These wonders are waiting to be discovered and practiced.


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 Interview by
 ELIZABETH DENLEY and KAMBIZ RAVAN
</h4>

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Ancient wisdom on nature and the climate crisis

Ananya is a designer and illustrator who enjoys finding dynamic ways to tell stories. She works on projects with social impact, and runs a youth collective bringing innovative design approaches to climate action and gender equality.



Ananya Patel

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Timeless Wisdom

Kiran is an Indian designer, educationist, education reformer, and social entrepreneur. She founded the award-winning Riverside School in Ahmedabad, along with aProCh to make our cities more child friendly, and Design for Change which is in more than 60 countries. Her most recent venture is the Riverside Learning Center which offers training program to empower schools worldwide using the codified processes from Riverside. Kiran, Riverside and Design for Change have won accolades and awards, including The Earth Prize, the Rockefeller Innovation Award, The Lego Remagine Award, The Lexus Prize, and the Light of Freedom Award.

Kiran Bir Sethi

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Building community through education

Naomi is the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and one of the leading parenting guides in the world today. She has been featured in the media internationally, and guides parents but about how to have peace without control so that children do their best, not because they fear us or seek our approval but because they want to. Her SALVE communication formula has been praised as providing the best of the work of Byron Katie and Nonviolent Communication combined and more.

Naomi Aldort

<h4
 id="h-naomi-aldort-is-the-author-of-raising-our-children-raising-ourselves-published-in-nineteen-different-languages-she-guides-parents-via-phone-skype-and-workshops-internationally-bringing-peace-and-clarity-to-both-difficult-situations-and-everyday-family-issues-including-marriage-pregnancy-birth-diet-and-lifestyle-and-child-development-for-children-of-all-ages-her-s-a-l-v-e-communication-formula-has-been-praised-as-providing-the-best-of-the-work-of-byron-katie-and-nonviolent-communication-combined-in-this-exclusive-interview-with-lakshmi-aravind-naomi-shares-her-wisdom-on-how-we-can-raise-emotionally-resilient-well-adjusted-authentic-children">
 NAOMI ALDORT is the author of Raising Our
 Children, Raising Ourselves,
 published in nineteen different languages. She guides parents via phone,
 Skype and workshops internationally, bringing peace and clarity to both
 difficult situations and everyday family issues, including marriage,
 pregnancy, birth, diet and lifestyle, and child development for children of
 all ages. Her S.A.L.V.E. communication formula has been praised as providing
 the best of the work of Byron Katie and Nonviolent Communication combined.
 In this exclusive interview with
 LAKSHMI ARAVIND, Naomi shares her wisdom on how we
 can raise emotionally resilient,
 well-adjusted, authentic children.
</h4>

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 Q: All kids encounter stress in their lives to varying
 degrees, and despite
 our best efforts as parents we can’t always protect them. Kids get sick,
 they have to move schools and environments, deal with bullies, cyber
 bullies, exams and tests. They may face family breakups and grief due to
 loss. On top of all this, we also live in a fast-paced world, where we want
 quick solutions to problems. But this is the time to pause and think of how
 we can do the best for our children.



 Naomi, welcome and how are you today?



 NA: I’m doing
 well, thank you, and I’m delighted to be here with you.



 Q: Awesome, so let’s get started. The first question is: What
 are the basic
 tenets of your philosophy for raising children, and why emotionally
 resilient?



 NA: Where I
 depart from the mainstream way of parenting is that I am not into shaping
 children and making them. I hold children as creation (if you’re religious
 that means God, otherwise Nature) and they are perfect creations just as they
 are. So my whole approach is about allowing children to be rooted in
 themselves rather than in what we want for them. Parents want children to
 learn this, to be there, to sleep in their own room; all this “wanting” for
 our children. We cannot chew food for another person, we cannot breathe for
 another person, and likewise we cannot want for another person. A baby is a
 time bomb. It’s a grown-up in a small body with its potential not yet
 unfolded. We need to know the limitations, but we need to respect them like we
 respect God. This is not our making.



 So that’s the main difference in my philosophy. It’s not permissiveness, it’s
 not license. We still need to guide and be leaders, but we need to be leaders
 who enable children to unfold who they already are.



 I always use the analogy of watering a flower so it will bloom – not so that
 it blooms your way, your color, or to your timing. It’s already in the design.
 They’re going to walk at a certain time, they’re going to talk at a certain
 time, they’re going to sleep by themselves at a certain time, they’re going to
 read at a certain time – anytime between age four and thirteen or fourteen. It
 makes no difference later on. Whether children learn to walk at one or two, we
 all learned to walk at different times and talk at different times. Einstein
 didn’t talk until he was four. What difference does it make once we’re
 unfolding ourselves into adults? And in terms of resilience, again, with the
 utmost reverence and spiritual recognition of who a baby, a child, a human
 being is, they are born resilient.


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 Our job is not to ruin that. And unfortunately, we ruin it a lot. We get in
 the way, and then, when it’s ruined and things aren’t going well, we ask,
 “Gee, what do we do? Our child is doing this.” And then we are convinced that
 we have to shape them because we unshaped them to a point where it’s not
 working. My teaching is about nurturing who is already there, not shaping
 them; watering the flowers, not painting the color of the petals or telling
 them when to come out.



 Let me say a little bit about how we do harm. What do we do? Well, we’re
 taking the inner power of the child and we’re destroying it in many ways. We
 give messages to children that their inner voices are somehow wrong. They have
 to do what we say, not what they say to themselves. It starts in babyhood –
 that’s why I always say that everything I teach is from babyhood to adulthood,
 because it’s the same principle.



 So many parents ask me, “How do I get my child to move out of the family bed?”
 – if they even sleep with the child. And I say, “Well, if you have to trick
 them and make them go to their own bed, then they’re not ready.” You’re
 teaching them not to listen to their own voice.



 Then they tell me, “Well, to be independent, don’t they need to sleep by
 themselves and soothe themselves?” I say, “No. You’re not sleeping right
 yourself. You’re not soothing yourself. You go for therapy if you’re really
 upset, or to your friends. Why should a baby, who is scared to death for
 survival, or a young child, sleep by themselves? And when you give them the
 message, ‘You should sleep by yourself,’ even though they feel inside, ‘I want
 to sleep next to mommy and daddy,’ then you’re telling them, ‘Don’t listen to
 yourself.’ And that kills self-confidence, that kills the self, because we
 constantly tell them how they feel inside is wrong.”


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 <figure>
 <img width="377" height="533" alt="how-to-raise-emotionally-resilient-children-part-1" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/emotionally_resilient_children3_693ac37925.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T04:03:42.039Z" />
 </figure>
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<hr />

<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 In terms of resilience, again, with the utmost reverence
 and
 spiritual recognition of who a baby, a child, a human being is, they
 are born resilient.
</h5>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 And another way we kill resilience is by distracting babies and young children
 from suffering. It is almost contradictory. On one hand, we tell them that
 they shouldn’t suffer. On the other hand, we cause the suffering when we put
 them to sleep somewhere else and tell them, “Hey, put up with it!” That
 stresses them because it is a primal need. Then, when they have suffering that
 is not a primal need – they don’t get their candy, their friend isn’t playing
 with them anymore, later on their girlfriend/boyfriend leaves them – then we
 try to distract them. We start with babies; when a baby cries, we say, “Look
 here, look there!” or “Here, play with this!” and we tell them, “Hey, you know
 you can handle suffering, you can handle pain.”



 I teach the opposite. Meet your baby’s needs, be kind with your teenager, and
 with all ages, but sometimes life offers challenges. Sometimes there is
 suffering. Grandma does die. Uncle cancels his visit. Toys break. Friends
 won’t always play with them. So, I always tell parents that instead of fixing
 everything – which tells children that they can’t handle it, and that weakens
 them – let them know that it’s all right. Validate their feeling.



 Let’s say a child comes out of a room full of children and says, “They won’t
 play with me. They told me to leave,” most parents say, “Oh no! Let’s go in
 and I’ll fix it for you.” The parent talks to the other children: “What
 happened? Please be inclusive,” and what is the child learning? “I’m weak and
 dependent, and I need the adult to come and rescue me so that I get what I
 want.”


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<div>
 <figure>
 <img width="377" height="533" alt="how-to-raise-emotionally-resilient-children-part-1" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/emotionally_resilient_children4_54b9a2f56d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T04:04:53.213Z" />
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 Now the response I advocate, when the child comes out of the room saying,
 “They won’t play with me. They told me to leave,” is, “Oh, you want to talk
 about how that’s feeling?” Maybe they’re crying. After they express their
 feelings (and sometimes they don’t express much because they look for “What am
 I supposed to feel?” from the parent), I would just say, “Okay, what would you
 like to do instead?



 Would you like to help me in the kitchen? I’m making lunch,” or “Would you
 like to sit here? I have some nice books and puzzles here.”



 If it’s not my own child, but a guest, I would say, “Would you like me to call
 your mom to pick you up?” I’m letting the child know that they can handle the
 fact that the others are not playing with them. I don’t ask, “What did you do
 that they’re not playing with you?” That’s blame and shame. Definitely not a
 good idea.



 I don’t make it seem like it’s a big problem, but if it is a problem for them,
 I listen. “Tell me, I see you wanted to play so badly, so do you want to tell
 me how you feel about it?” I listen to them. Then, the next step is, “I
 understand how you feel. What would you like to do instead?”


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 I always tell parents that instead of fixing everything
 – which tells
 children that they can’t handle it, and that weakens them – let
 them know that it’s all right. Validate their feeling.
</h5>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 We often teach them to want things, and we teach them to always get what they
 want. Then they can’t handle not getting what they want. We say, “No, don’t
 call him stupid! It will hurt his feelings.” We’re teaching them to be weak
 and to be hurt. When I see a child calling another child “stupid,” I say, “Me
 too!” and I give an example of how I’m stupid. Then they learn to accept.



 It’s like the Zen story, “Without Blinking an Eye.” I’ll tell the short
 version. It’s about the General of an army in Japan that is going from village
 to village killing everyone. Most people run away and escape. He comes to one
 village, and he’s told by his soldiers that the Zen master at the top of the
 hill in the monastery hasn’t escaped. The general is enraged: “How come?
 Doesn’t he know who I am?”



 So he goes up to the monastery, looks at the little old man and says, “How
 dare you! Don’t you know who I am? I could run you through with my sword
 without blinking an eye!”And the little Zen master says, “ And do you
 know who I am? Someone who can have your sword go through me without blinking
 an eye.”



 Can we raise children to hear bad words – the sword, the criticism – with
 gratitude? When somebody criticizes them and calls them names, can they say,
 “Tell me more”? There is nothing we don’t have. We may be generous, but we’ve
 been greedy. We may smell good, but we’ve been stinky. We may be peaceful, but
 we’ve been angry at some time. It’s like, “Tell me more. I’m learning.
 Everyone is a teacher for me.”



 We are teaching to “wants” and teaching children to defend themselves and to
 think that they’re always good. We are teaching instant gratification. We are
 teaching by distraction – “Here, here, have some ice cream, it will help you
 forget about what happened with the other kid.” We are teaching children to
 run away from suffering. Also, we are praising, creating a need for children
 to seek approval all the time, rather than being themselves.



 We teach them to run away from the self, which creates insecurity and low
 self-esteem. And we run them toward success – everybody has to know so much.
 And we put them on the competitive mill to be successful, to have money, to
 have a profession, to be the best. And then they are afraid and develop
 anxiety, anxiety to please others, anxiety not to be oneself, to avoid what
 they really want and feel inside, and to do all this stuff that is expected of
 them. That’s very anxiety-provoking, because it’s easy to be oneself, but it’s
 very hard to read other people and please them.


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<div>
 <figure>
 <img width="377" height="533" alt="how-to-raise-emotionally-resilient-children-part-1" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/emotionally_resilient_children5_f7573245f1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T04:06:17.530Z" />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 Q: I think we all need to hear that. I’m one of those
 parents who used to
 step in and fix it for them right away. And we don’t realize how hurtful it
 can be for our children in the long run. We’re really not teaching them to
 be resilient. As you say, we have already destroyed their resilience, and
 somehow we have to undo all that.
 

 
 We live in a world where there’s immediate gratification,
 and all the time
 we want to give the best to our children. We don’t want them to get hurt at
 all. In a world where there’s constant comfort and stimulation, what can we
 do about that?
 

 
 NA: To teach
 emotional resilience, we have to not unteach it, because they already have it.
 Look at babies, who behave like they’re the most deserving creatures on Earth.
 A little discomfort and they cry. They want to nurse and they tell you. You
 put them to sleep somewhere else, they scream. It’s very clear that they’re
 resilient, they can handle it, they can express feelings, and they can handle
 life and our mistakes, too.
 

 
 But to teach emotional resilience, we need to avoid teaching them to be
 triggered. Like what I said before, instead of teaching them that name calling
 is a bad thing, ask them to find how it’s true for them. Teach them not to be
 defensive. We teach them by modeling. If our spouse tells us, “Hey, you’re
 lazy,” or “You did this or that,” what is our automated reaction? “No, I’m
 not! No, that’s not what happened.” What I teach to create resilience is,
 “Yes, I am.”
 

 
 I actually teach healing games where members of the family get together and,
 through games, through play therapy, learn to accept when somebody criticizes
 them or calls them a name. We need to stop blaming others, making all this
 justice thing, which is part of why people are so emotionally weak. Take
 sibling rivalry, for example: “Mommy says I am wrong.” Don’t ever take sides.
 Just listen to each one and help them find the solution simply by listening to
 them. You don’t ever have to fix things. They solve it themselves. When you
 come into their room and they’re fighting, listen to each one of them until
 they’re done. Let each one tell their side, and when the other interrupts and
 says, “No, that’s not what happened,” I say, “Wait till she’s done, and then
 you’ll tell what happened to you.” I don’t ever take sides.
 

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 <hr />

 <h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 To teach emotional resilience, we need to avoid
 teaching them to be
 triggered. Like what I said before, instead of teaching them
 that name calling is a bad thing, ask them to find how it’s true
 for them. Teach them not to be defensive. We teach them by
 modeling.
 </h5>

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 <figure>
 <img width="377" height="533" alt="how-to-raise-emotionally-resilient-children-part-1" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-hfn.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/emotionally_resilient_children6_b52e559292.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T04:08:53.014Z" />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 Another way to help children to be strong is to let them find their own
 solutions and express themselves. The first chapter in my book talks about
 self-expression. But the main thing is that we’re killing strength through the
 constant need for approval, by expecting children to live based on external
 rewards, praise and grades. In order to enable inner peace, children need to
 be rooted in themselves, responsible for creating their own inner joy, no
 matter what another person is saying about them. That’s true power.
 

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 To be continued.

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">Interviewed by LAKSHMI ARAVIND</h4>

 <hr />

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