<p>Kalyani is a health law attorney and writer who lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and two sons. She is a mental health and mindfulness advocate who went on a journey to find happiness, discovered how to help others be happy, and has become a more authentic version of herself.</p>

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Kalyani Adusumilli

<hr class="vertical-space1">



<h4>
  <strong><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#b8d651"><mark
        style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#5e8f3e">KALYANI ADUSUMILLI
      </mark></mark>compares wants and needs, and explores how the simple life helps us keep a check on needs
    and wants, leading to contentment and happiness.</strong>
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<p>To truly find contentment, it is commonly thought that we must distinguish between our needs and wants. Needs
  imply basic requirements to survive, such as water, air, and food; in other words, that which we cannot live
  without. But typically, we also include the intangible, like friendship, love, and security, among our needs.
</p>



<p>Needs are supposed to be less than our wants, so we approach life practically. After all, we can want anything,
  including flying to the moon! Generally speaking, our wants are things we assume will improve our life somehow.
  But as our society grows more materialistic, our wants are often frivolous, not to mention numerous.</p>



<hr class="vertical-space1">


<div class="block-image">
  <figure>

    <img decoding="async" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
      src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/What_do_you_need2_5164a33e66.jpg?updated_at=2023-03-27T09:55:57.348Z">

  </figure>
</div>


<hr class="vertical-space1">



<p>What happens when we have too many needs, though? These days the line between needs and wants has become
  increasingly blurry. One could argue that humankind’s continuing progress, especially technological advancement,
  naturally leads to a shift in what we now consider a need.</p>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center"><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#5e8f3e">There’s a reason
    simplicity works better. </mark><br><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#5e8f3e">There’s less
    clutter in our
    minds <br>and more room to focus on what truly makes us thrive </mark><br><mark
    style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#5e8f3e">– health, happiness, a
    sense of purpose, and love.</mark></h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">


<div class="block-image">
  <figure>

    <img decoding="async" alt="" class="has-img-center"
      src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/What_do_you_need3_7033c9a10f.jpg?updated_at=2023-03-29T11:44:58.647Z">
  </figure>
</div>


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<p>But then, is that actual progress if our needs are more complex as a result? How many of us consider a smartphone
  a need? They certainly make life convenient. But at the expense of what? Are we happier and more productive? For
  me, it’s a resounding “No!”</p>



<p>There’s a reason simplicity works better. There’s less clutter in our minds and more room to focus on what truly
  makes us thrive – health, happiness, a sense of purpose, and love. As our needs grow, so do our stress levels
  and reliance on the external. But with less dependence, there is more freedom. Freedom to be.</p>



<p>What if we took a step back to when we had everything that we needed simply by waking up to a new day, a fresh
  chance at living fully? Back when we treated our planet more gently, in appreciation of its beauty and its
  bounty. Back when we walked across the street and knocked at a neighbor’s house to pass the time. Back when we
  just needed the bare minimum to flourish because we had everything that we needed in each other.</p>



<p>What do you really need?</p>



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<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by HOLLY</h4>



<hr>



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What do you need?

<h4>
    <strong><span style="color: #d34369">KALYANI ADUSUMILLI </span>went on a journey
        to</strong>
    <strong>find happiness for herself. In the process, she discovered how to help
        others be happy, and how to become a more authentic version of
        herself.</strong>
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<p>
    Happiness has become a mainstream concept these days. Does happiness hinge on
    meeting society’s expectations? How often do superficial trappings such as
    social status, physical appearance, and financial success determine happiness?
    We’ve often heard the old adage, “Money can’t buy happiness,” but do only the
    wealthy come to that conclusion? For a person stuck in poverty, money could
    offer happiness in the form of a well-fed belly and a roof over their head.
    And consider social media. The number of Instagram followers and “retweets”
    electrifies the young and propels them to seek spotlight as their source of
    happiness, while the older generations look on in bemusement. So, who gets to
    decide what it means to be happy?
</p>

<p>
    Over the past couple of years, as I took stock of the pandemic that brought
    the modern world to its knees and left people in isolation, I reached the
    conclusion that the power to create happiness lies within me. Within you.
    Within each of us. That might seem obvious, but upon further reflection, very
    few of us actually utilize the power we wield. As I struggled to make sense of
    the tragedies occurring around the world and in my own personal sphere,
    happiness seemed both a distant memory and an unlikely future. Realizing that
    I needed an outlet, I sought therapy and spent the Covid lockdown trying to
    navigate my troubled past and conquer my fears about the future, with the hope
    that I might learn to live fully in the present.
</p>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
    <figure>
        <img decoding="async" width="566" height="800" alt="Happiness_takes_courage2" class="lazyload has-img-center"
            src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Happiness_takes_courage2_56fbf71bbc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:45:25.348Z" />
    </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<p>
    Because of the decision to focus on well-being, I developed a heightened sense
    of self-awareness, which led me to understand more about the source of
    happiness. All too often, we either look to others to define our happiness or
    hold them responsible for it. I realized that as long as I continue to blame
    my parents for my lifelong anxieties or expect my spouse to provide the cure
    for my discontent, I will never achieve true happiness. I began to contemplate
    what “happy” meant to me.
</p>

<p>
    Before long, I could admit that happiness meant more than just my roles as a
    mother and a spouse, and that I had never felt entirely fulfilled in my career
    as a lawyer. I wanted more. I wanted to live life on my terms for the first
    time, not on everyone else’s. Happiness wasn’t just about the big-ticket
    items, but trickled down to the details, like how much sleep I was getting
    each night, and how much time I was allotting for simple acts of self-care.
    “Happy” now seemed attainable, and I felt transformed. That transformation
    manifested visibly to my family and friends, much to their wonder and awe.
</p>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
    <span style="color: #6e8867">Happiness wasn’t just about the big-ticket items, <br />but
        trickled down
        to the details, <br />like how much sleep I was getting each night,<br />
        and how much time I was allotting for simple acts of self-care.
        <br />“Happy” now seemed attainable, and I felt transformed.
    </span>
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<p>
    If it’s so obvious that the way to happiness rests at our own feet, then why
    do we not exercise our autonomy? With everyone so interconnected through
    technology, the pressure of conforming places an enormous burden on the
    choices that we make. We’re so busy taking cues from everyone else that we
    don’t take the time to stop and reflect on what we need. Many of us hide
    behind fears of rejection, failure, and ostracization. And when we find
    ourselves disappointed or thwarted, it’s far easier to point fingers at others
    and deflect responsibility.&nbsp;
</p>

<p>
    A recent interaction with my eldest son, a high school senior, comes to mind.
    His teenage self has been a force to be reckoned with over the past couple of
    years. One day he stormed into my room, frustrated and angry about the
    restrictions on his screen time during the school year. Insisting that no
    other parents exerted that kind of control, he declared that we were making
    his life miserable. At first, I tried to reason with him, explaining that his
    oversleeping and lax attitude about his homework had resulted in those
    restrictions. I assured him that all parents want their children to thrive in
    school and that we were hardly the exceptions.
</p>

<p>
    When my words fell on deaf ears, I waited until his anger was spent. Then, I
    told him that while we had his best interest at heart, he alone could decide
    whether to stay mired in his frustrations or alter the landscape. Eager to
    give him the benefit of what I had started to embrace, I told him that he
    could continue to complain and remain miserable or figure out a way to be
    happy. Calling attention to his desire for freedom, I hinted that he could
    show his maturity by acting more responsibly, earning the right to manage his
    time without supervision. I’m happy to say that he went on to do just that,
    with some stumbles along the way, ultimately resulting in a happier kid and
    happier parents.
</p>

<p>
    This leads me to another observation – cultivating happiness inevitably
    fosters a happy environment and leads to healthier relationships with family,
    friends, and colleagues.&nbsp;&nbsp;
</p>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
    <figure>
        <img decoding="async" width="566" height="800" alt="/Happiness_takes_courage3" class="lazyload has-img-center"
            src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Happiness_takes_courage3_bf87c3d16e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:46:22.552Z" />
    </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center"
    id="h-happiness-is-so-very-individual-and-cannot-be-designed-by-anyone-else-creating-our-own-happiness-takes-courage">
    <span style="color: #6e8867">Happiness is so very individual<br />and cannot be designed by
        anyone
        else.<br />Creating our own happiness takes courage</span><span style="color: #a30097"
       >.</span>
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<p>
    In essence, we forget that what makes us human is our beautifully complex
    brain and the ability to reason and think for ourselves. Happiness is so very
    individual and cannot be designed by anyone else. Creating our own happiness
    takes courage. It requires an unshakeable commitment to stay true to
    ourselves, and a fierce determination to follow through with our passions,
    regardless of the outcome and in the face of adversity. Happiness demands that
    we place self-worth and well-being as priorities in our life so that we be
    authentic. Whether we live more than one lifetime or not remains a mystery, so
    with that uncertainty we would do well to remember another old saying, “Life
    isn’t a dress rehearsal.” Choose to be happy now and be the architect of your
    own happiness. You are in the driver’s seat.
</p>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by JASMEE MUDGAL</h4>

<hr />

Happiness takes courage

<p>
        <strong
          ><mark
            style="background-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); color: #7ab612"
           
            >KALYANI ADUSUMILLI</mark
          >
          highlights the need for asking for help, and for self-compassion and
          self-love. She challenges us to come together to eradicate the stigma
          around mental illness, so that we can all open up about our struggles
          and overcome them.</strong
        >
      </p>

      <hr class="vertical-space1" />

      <p>
        Giving up may seem like the only option when you’re at your lowest. But
        there’s a better one – reaching out.
      </p>

      <p>
        Often, we ignore the cracks in our emotional and mental well-being until
        we’re suddenly staring down an abyss. Climbing out from that darkness
        back into the light is possible. The first step of that ascent is to
        accept that you need a hand. None of us was ever meant to walk a
        solitary path.
      </p>

      <p>
        I tried to carry my burdens on my own for decades, until they became too
        heavy. When that happens, escape becomes tempting, unless you remember
        to look up and grasp that outstretched hand, the lifeline waiting to
        steady you, reminding you that you’re not alone.
      </p>

      <p>
        Building yourself back up also requires self-compassion. Only then can
        hope emerge and healing begin. Hope comes in all forms – the promise of
        a second chance or the discovery of a purpose in this life. I know
        firsthand the power of hope in healing and transforming darkness into
        light. But I had to make room for it and let it take the lead, so I
        could stare down my fears. Asking for help when you’re faltering is not
        a sign of weakness, though we may be at our most vulnerable in that
        moment. Rather, it’s a testament to our mind’s power, our insight into
        our limits as humans, and our resourcefulness. In truth, it’s an act of
        courage, a show of strength, to suppress the ego and to admit that we’re
        struggling. Ultimately, it reflects our desire to rise again. If we
        avoid the issues that stress our minds and wreak havoc on our emotions,
        it is then that we weaken, and our ability to fight back becomes
        compromised. It’s no different than a disease attacking our immune
        system. Do we not seek treatment for bodily ailments?
      </p>

      <hr class="vertical-space1" />

      <hr />

      <h4
        class="has-text-align-center"
        id="h-building-yourself-back-up-also-requires-self-compassion-only-then-can-hope-emerge-and-healing-begin-hope-comes-in-all-forms-the-promise-of-a-second-chance-or-the-discovery-of-a-purpose-in-this-life"
      >
        <mark
          style="background-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); color: #b97b23"
         
          >Building yourself back up <br />also requires self-compassion.
          <br />Only then can hope emerge <br />and healing begin. <br />Hope
          comes in all forms –<br />
          the promise of a second chance or<br />
          the discovery of a purpose in this life.
        </mark>
      </h4>

      <hr />

      <hr class="vertical-space1" />

      <p>
        We place great value on caring for our physical health. Without our
        pumping heart and powerful lungs, how would we survive? But what
        controls those organs? The most complex and beautiful organ of our body,
        the brain, responsible also for the workings of our mind and
        consciousness. So why do we not similarly care for our mental and
        emotional wellness? The body and mind are interconnected, so if one
        declines, so will the other. Just as we schedule annual physicals for
        our body, what if we regularly schedule wellness checks for our mental
        and emotional health?
      </p>

      <p>
        People tend to focus on longevity over happiness. For me, the prospect
        of a meaningful and purposeful life (be it a short one) characterized by
        mental peace and equanimity, holds more appeal than living to 90 without
        it. As Aristotle said, “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”
      </p>

      <div class="block-image">
        <figure>
          <img
            decoding="async"
            width="700"
            height="601"
            alt="life-line2"
            
            class="has-img-center lazyload"
            src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/life_line2_99e94c4da1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:31:26.963Z"
          />
        </figure>
      </div>

      <p>
        Millions of people struggle with mental health issues, but sadly very
        few consider mental health treatment because of the stigma attached. The
        embarrassment associated with mental illness persists across cultures.
        If speaking about it remains taboo, the younger generations will also
        continue to suffer in silence. The key is to change the narrative and
        encourage open honest dialogue, empathy, and compassion. We are all
        united in our struggles and, therefore, can only thrive when we support
        and uplift one another.
      </p>

      <p>
        We can start the mental and emotional well-being journey by treating
        ourselves with love and compassion, then spreading that to others. Be
        each other’s lifeline. What is more healing than that?
      </p>

      <hr class="vertical-space1" />


Lifeline

<h4
    id="h-kalyani-adusumilli-grew-up-in-a-minority-group-in-the-united-states-straddling-cultures-learning-how-to-fit-in-and-later-learning-how-to-accept-the-traditions-of-her-heritage-today-she-is-watching-her-children-going-through-the-same-process-shifting-their-cultural-identity-as-they-head-toward-adulthood-in-the-melting-pot-of-a-multicultural-society">
    <strong><span style="color: #104879">KALYANI ADUSUMILLI </span>grew up in a minority
        group in the United States, straddling cultures,
        learning how to fit in, and later learning how to accept the traditions of
        her heritage. Today, she is watching her children going through the same
        process, shifting their cultural identity, as they head toward adulthood
        in the melting pot of a multicultural society.</strong>
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<p>
    Do I consider myself Indian or American? That’s a question Indian-Americans
    commonly grapple with as they try to navigate the two cultures that
    influence and impact their lives. “I’m American, Mom!” or “I don’t like
    Indian food!” are sentiments that I’ve heard frequently from my children.
    There’s my youngest, who once curiously told my sister-in-law, to her
    extreme consternation, “I’m not Indian. I’m half-Mexican and half-American!”
    While I knew that his comment stemmed from the adoration he felt for one of
    my close friends, who is Mexican, and like his surrogate aunt, I felt
    guilty, thinking that I had failed to instill in him a sense of pride for
    his own Indian culture. Then there’s my oldest, who traveled to India twice
    and readily embraced the culture and food as a child, but now avoids Indian
    food like the plague! He’ll squawk about mild spices in the occasional
    curry, and then shrug when I watch him munch on hot Cheetos and Takis. Where
    did I go wrong, I wondered, until I considered my own shifting cultural
    identity, and its gradual progression and transformation from childhood
    through adulthood.
</p>

<p>
    Born in India and raised there for six years before joining my family in the
    United States, I naturally identified more with my Indian roots, at first.
    Not quite fluent in English and accustomed to a different set of societal
    customs, I had to both learn and unlearn to assimilate into Western culture.
    No longer could I run freely around town barefoot, nor did I see cows and
    goats wandering around everywhere unrestrained. But before long, the Western
    influences took hold of me and I morphed into a fusion of East and West. My
    exposure to the American culture came predominantly from mastery of the
    English language and acculturation, as my parents only spoke English at
    home. They would later regret that when they recognized I could no longer
    speak my native tongue fluently.
</p>

<p>
    Yet, my parents did ensure that my sister and I learned Hindu traditions and
    regularly participated in the local Indian community. I happily took dance
    lessons in Bharatanatyam, relished our summer trips to India, and ate Indian
    food daily and without complaint as a young girl.
</p>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


<img decoding="async" width="424" height="600" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
    src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/east_meets_west2_5d8d7b012e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T18:07:07.567Z" />


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<p>
    By the time I was old enough to care about the opinions of my peers, I
    became self-conscious about my ethnicity. Suddenly, I felt painfully aware
    of the stares that strangers directed at my mother when she wore a sari at
    the grocery store, and even more so if I had to appear in public wearing
    traditional garb. Cringe worthy comments from strangers and friends like,
    “Is that blood on your forehead?” when seeing the red bindi on my forehead,
    or “What tribe are you from?” fueled my self-consciousness and the feeling
    that we might as well have been aliens from another planet.
</p>

<p>
    Often, my mother opened the windows when she cooked Indian food because of
    the pungent aromas in our house, and I remember my anxiety and embarrassment
    when a young American friend scrunched up her nose, questioning, “What’s
    that smell?” As a minority population, inclusion is paramount. Even to the
    point of surrendering one’s identity.
</p>

<p>
    After four years of bland cuisine at college, I started craving my mom’s
    flavorful South Indian food. I learned how to cook it myself and joined a
    social networking group for young Indian professionals. I began to truly
    embrace my ethnicity. Through personal growth and an increasing awareness of
    how diversity shapes us, I came to embrace my identity as an Indian-American
    woman and appreciate my rich cultural upbringing.
</p>

<p>
    And so, when I reflect on my American-born children, who have yet to embrace
    their ethnicity and formulate their identity, I reassure myself that I have
    given them a good foundation and introduction to their Indian heritage.
    Since birth, they have had regular exposure to the Hindu culture whether
    through spending time with grandparents, visiting temples for religious
    occasions, reading folklore, or eating Indian food (even if they don’t
    always relish it). Yet, they have also had exposure to many other cultures
    as well – Japanese, Brazilian, Australian, Mexican, and so on. I’m grateful
    that my son has experienced the Hispanic culture so intimately through my
    friend.
</p>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


<img decoding="async" width="424" height="600" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
    src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/east_meets_west3_c08f5e7ae7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T18:08:24.343Z" />


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="text-center">
    <span style="color: #0071a1">Only when they learn to appreciate that <br />we are all
        born different
        from one another<br />
        in so many beautiful ways, <br />will they truly celebrate diversity
        <br />and their own culture.</span>
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<p>
    More importantly, I respect that my kids identify primarily as Americans, as
    they were born and raised in this country and have been immersed in American
    society. I have seen my children, nieces and nephews go through similar
    scenarios to those I did as a child. They gleefully ran into their
    grandmother’s outstretched arms as little kids, but as they grew older, I
    watched them squirm uncomfortably seeing her familiar round figure, draped
    in a bold-colored sari, waiting to greet them at the bus stop. While
    saddened at this sign of passing innocence, I understood, knowing that they
    too would navigate the complicated waters of growing up with a mixed
    cultural heritage, and confident that they would also come to proudly own
    their cultural identity, by choice and in their own time. Only when they
    learn to appreciate that we are all born different from one another in so
    many beautiful ways, will they truly celebrate diversity and their own
    culture.
</p>

<p>
    So, the next time my college-bound son groans, “Oh no, not Indian food!” or
    my youngest declares on St. Patrick’s Day that he’s half-Irish, I’ll smile,
    and patiently continue to watch their cultural journey unfold.
</p>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

East meets West

<hr class="vertical-space1">



<h4>
  <strong><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#75aa3b">KALYANI
      ADUSUMILLI</mark> shares some tips on leading a balanced life so that our time with others is also more
    harmonious.</strong>
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<p>The key to living harmoniously is balance. I’m sure you’ve heard the old proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a
  dull boy,” as it’s stood the test of time. Less known, perhaps, is its counterpart, “All play and no work makes Jack
  a mere toy.” We need to maintain an equilibrium between the different aspects of our life to be balanced. But for
  many of us, that’s easier said than done!&nbsp;</p>



<p>I have a notoriously sweet tooth. Sometimes, the one thing that keeps me from overindulging is my mother’s voice,
  repeating in my head like a broken record, “Do everything in moderation, Kalyani!” Whether I’m limiting screen time
  or junk food with my children, I often spout the same sentiment if not the same words, having recognized the wisdom
  in them. My youngest always laughs in amazement when I tell him that he could go overboard with eating healthy food
  as well! Like eating too many carrots and turning orange!</p>



<p>How to go about leading a balanced lifestyle?</p>



<p>The best place to start is by making a list! Prioritizing can prove challenging. So if everything is laid out right
  in front of you, it’s easier to see how the different pieces of the puzzle fit. Write down what you value and
  determine whether you’re giving it enough attention.</p>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center"><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#75aa3b">Whether it’s your mind
    or your body, </mark><br><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#75aa3b">they are deeply connected:
    <br>the other will thrive if you take care of one.</mark></h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<p>Since our existence relies on health, I’d say it’s critical, if not the most important! Yet, it’s often something
  people most neglect. It could be because we’re burning the midnight oil, taking care of everyone else and finding no
  time for ourselves, or because self-destructive behavior has become natural to us. Our mental health inevitably
  suffers when we neglect our physical health, whether through lack of proper nutrition, exercise, or sleep. It can be
  the reverse, too, making it a vicious cycle. Whether it’s your mind or your body, they are deeply connected: the
  other will thrive if you take care of one.</p>



<hr class="vertical-space1">


<div class="block-image">
  <figure><img decoding="async" width="600" height="659" alt="" class="has-img-center lazyload"
      src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_balancing_act2_36ca475f9d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-26T07:14:09.048Z">
  </figure>
</div>


<hr class="vertical-space1">



<p>Living optimally has to do with fulfillment and satisfaction, not perfection. Look at your list and set goals that
  align your desire with how you live your life. What are your physical, mental, and emotional needs? Only when you
  incorporate those will you have actual control and ownership of your life.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Part of the balancing act is also learning to compromise. If you have a family, how will you and your partner
  prioritize so that responsibilities are symmetric? An unequal relationship becomes a breeding ground for resentment.
</p>



<p>Finally, finding enough time to achieve your goals often means simplifying your life. It’s impossible to devote
  yourself fully to anything if you have too much on your plate. If you want your family to spend more time together,
  try cutting out two hours of <em>everyone’s</em> screen time.&nbsp;</p>



<p>We’re all tightrope walkers in life. When you find your balance, the steadiness within will keep you upright.</p>



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<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by EMI TSE</h4>



<hr>

The balancing act

<h4><span style="color:#B0301A;"><strong>KALYANI ADUSUMILLI</strong></span><strong> shares her personal experiences of remembrance, and the relationship between the past and the present. Through some painful experiences, she has learned how to have a positive focus, and not remain trapped in the past.</strong></h4><p><i>Remembrance</i> is a laden word with heavy meaning, carrying such weight in our hearts and minds. Because it signifies memories or recollections, the feelings it elicits can be both painful and pleasing. Typically, remembrance occurs in honor of a loved one or a person of significance after they have passed. Many countries hold Remembrance Day to recognize fallen soldiers for their courage and sacrifice in defending their homeland. Whether observed ceremonially or more privately in thoughts, remembrance allows people to pay their respects. Though sadness often accompanies memories, remembering provides solace by keeping our dear ones with us forever in our hearts and minds. Sharing memories with others is an essential source of strength and unites us in grief.<br><br>When I write of remembrance, I instinctively think of my beloved sister, who died tragically in a car accident in her mid-thirties. Commemoration of the anniversary of her death started as a day shrouded in grief and mourning as the gaping wound in my heart remained fresh and raw. But with the passage of time and healing, I stopped focusing solely on the loss. Instead, I began to draw comfort from the abundance of happy memories I was fortunate enough to have had with my sister. And on her birthday, I make a point to celebrate her beautiful spirit and everything she loved, right down to her favorite chocolate cake!<br><br>Whereas previously I’d thought only of my sorrow at her absence in my life and that of my children’s, I remembered that she remained a part of my sons and me and that I could still draw strength from everything she’d given me, including her unfailing confidence in me. None of that died with her. I’d been so focused on my boys not having the benefit of their aunt in their lives that I’d neglected to consider that I could fill theirs with the same joy and exuberance she’d brought to mine. Now, I’ve reached a point where I reflect peacefully on our time together and trust in the immortality of her main legacy, unconditional love.<br><br>Of course, remembrance doesn’t always pertain to death. Sometimes, it’s simply reminiscing about a past event or a powerful impression left on our minds. My fond recollections of my children’s milestones or my former travel adventures also constitute remembrance. And as we age, the tendency to balk at change and reminisce about “the good old days” (for me, that’s the 80s and 90s!) rises exponentially.&nbsp;<br><br>Naturally, not all remembrances are agreeable. When we recall an unpleasant experience, it’s easy to succumb to the negative emotions it draws forth, especially when it forces us to relive the trauma. Yet even the distressing events have a purpose, providing an opportunity to grow and learn from them. Remembrance of past atrocities, such as slavery and genocide, serves as a warning so that future generations avoid repeating the same mistakes. Historical reminders in those instances can prompt healing and forgiveness.&nbsp;</p><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;"><span style="color:#B0301A;">Understanding the past also helps us</span><br><span style="color:#B0301A;">to discover our purpose and</span><br><span style="color:#B0301A;">reach our full potential.&nbsp;</span></h4><hr><p>Understanding the past also helps us to discover our purpose and reach our full potential. Ultimately, the power of remembrance lies in giving the past its due by recognizing its continuing impact, while remaining tethered in the present.</p><hr><p style="text-align:center;"><strong>Illustration by JASMEE MUDGAL</strong></p><hr>

Kalyani Adusumilli

Kalyani is a health law attorney and writer who lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and two sons. She is a mental health and mindfulness advocate who went on a journey to find happiness, discovered how to help others be happy, and has become a more authentic version of herself.

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