Karishma has an educational background in Medicine and Law. She has worked as a doctor in the Australian public hospital system, and taught medical students at the University of Notre Dame, Sydney. Her expertise in parenting integrates her experience as a medical professional and a parent.

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Karishma Stretton

<h4
 id="h-dr-karishma-stretton-is-a-doctor-and-medical-educator-who-has-focused-her-attention-on-parenting-here-she-speaks-with-elizabeth-denley-about-her-new-book-and-the-timeless-wisdom-that-will-help-us-to-raise-happy-and-well-adjusted-children"
 >
 DR. KARISHMA STRETTON
 is a doctor and medical educator who has focused her attention on
 parenting. Here she speaks with
 ELIZABETH DENLEY
 about her
 <a
 href="https://www.drkarishmastretton.com.au/the-7-eternal-truths"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noreferrer noopener"
 >new book</a
 >, and the timeless wisdom that will help us to raise happy and
 well-adjusted children.
 </h4>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 Q: Hi, Karishma, welcome to Heartfulness Magazine.
 

 
 KS: Hello,
 Elizabeth. It’s lovely to be talking with you. Thanks for your time.
 

 
 Q: We’re here to talk about your book,
 Parenting Homo Sapiens: The Seven Eternal Truths for Raising Happy
 Humans. A great title and a hot topic, so first tell us about yourself, and
 why you’re interested in this.
 

 
 KS: I’m a
 wife and mother of two daughters, and we live in Sydney, Australia.
 After graduating with a medical degree, I worked at Nepean Hospital, and
 then moved to education at the University of Notre Dame, where I taught
 medical students. Right now, I spend most of my time with my children,
 and am very involved with their education.
 

 
 Q: Tell us about your book, Karishma.
 

 
 KS: The
 inspiration came after the birth of my eldest daughter. I was a young
 working mother. There was so much information available on parenting,
 and I was determined to distill the essence of it all.
 

 
 At that time I worked long hours as a doctor at Nepean Hospital, with
 very few holidays. The environment required me to suppress the fact that
 I was also a mother, and commit my full attention to the job. I’m sure
 many women relate to a high-pressured work environment. Denying my role
 as a mother at work was very confronting. It made me question what I was
 doing, and what effect this would have on my children, my husband, my
 family, and myself.
 

 

 <h4>
 Common Threads to Effective Parenting Methods
 </h4>

 
 I began to read, and was not convinced that there needed to be so many,
 sometimes contradictory, ways of raising children. I wanted to find the
 common threads that bound all types of effective parenting.
 

 
 As I read, the common themes emerged, and I wrote this book so that
 those parents who don’t have time to read all the literature could have
 a reference on their parenting journey. I was mainly interested in what
 enables us to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted human beings. If
 children have those qualities, then happiness and enjoyment will result
 later in life.
 

 
 Finally, I felt so much gratitude to the authors and mothers who had
 written blog pieces on parenting, and produced parenting and birthing
 videos, because that information was pivotal for me on my journey. I
 hope that my learning will also resonate with parents. I want to pay
 forward the amazing and inspirational help I received.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 We may not be here to see the impact of our parenting,
 but when we raise well-adjusted, kind, loving,
 intelligent, compassionate human beings, we bring
 meaningful, long-lasting change to this world.
 </h4>

 <hr />

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

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 <img
 width="700"
 height="554"
 alt="7-eternal-truths2"
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 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/7_eternal_truths2_700x554_63b5ef61de.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T14:05:41.350Z"
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 <h4>
 Developing Confidence as a Parent
 </h4>

 
 Q: Why isn’t good parenting an innate function? Why do we need to
 learn?
 

 
 KS: It
 seems like a simple question, but it really is the crux of the matter.
 J.W. Whitehead said, “Children are the living messages we send to a time
 we will not see. ”We may not be here to see the impact of our parenting,
 but when we raise well-adjusted, kind, loving, intelligent,
 compassionate human beings, we bring meaningful, long-lasting change to
 this world.
 

 
 The fact is, our children are going to take over the reins and steer
 humanity in the not-so-distant future. I read recently that our greatest
 contribution to the universe may not be something we do, but someone we
 raise. It was this epiphany that highlighted to me the importance of
 parenting.
 

 
 Q: You also say that this is not new, and it’s universal. You talk
 about the 7 eternal truths for raising happy humans, not separate
 truths for raising them in Sydney or Colombo. What are these eternal
 truths?
 

 
 KS: I use
 the term “eternal truths” to describe principles that have been tried
 and tested over time and have remained true. They are independent of
 rapid societal changes. Even though we are powering ahead
 technologically and socially, biologically we are the same as we were
 hundreds of thousands of years ago. If we can determine what these
 eternal truths are, we can fulfill them despite the rapid pace at which
 our society is traveling. What do our babies need biologically, and what
 do we need as parents?
 

 
 A baby Homo sapiens today is genetically programmed with the same
 expectations as a baby born 300,000 years ago. The same is true for
 women undergoing the transformation from woman to mother.
 

 
 After reading and processing decades worth of parenting knowledge, I
 began to discover some magnificent golden threads. Consistently and
 confidently applying these threads creates a bedrock for a satisfying
 and fulfilling parenting experience of raising our children with
 confidence.
 

 
 Speaking from experience, it’s the confidence that a lot of us lack. We
 often feel we are not parenting correctly, or that we are depriving our
 children of what they need to develop thoroughly. The good news is that
 if we apply these eternal truths, then we’ll give our children exactly
 what they need, so they are assured of a fulfilling childhood.
 

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 <img
 width="700"
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 </div>

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 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 I use the term “eternal truths” to describe principles that
 have been tried and tested over time and have remained
 true. They are independent of rapid societal
 changes.
 </h4>

 <hr />

 <h4>
 The 7 Eternal Truths
 </h4>

 
 You must be wondering what these eternal truths are. I’ll give you three
 examples. You’ll find the others in my book.
 

 
 Truth 1: Human babies and children have fundamental
 biological expectations.
 

 
 Truth 2: What we inscribe in the child’s mind will echo
 throughout their lifetime.
 

 
 Truth 3: Parents are epigenetic engineers – engineering
 the future.
 

 They’re the main concepts we will cover here.

 <h4>
 Biological Expectations
 </h4>

 
 Q: Talk to us about the fundamental biological expectations. What are
 they? How important are they, especially during the early years?
 

 
 KS:
 Biological expectations are the biological needs we are genetically
 designed to experience during childhood. The environment into which a
 baby was born 300,000 years ago may differ from the environment into
 which a baby is born today, but the biological expectations remain the
 same, just as our DNA is the same. These biological expectations provide
 a framework for children to grow, thrive, and meet their innate
 potential. They go beyond the survival needs of clean water, nutrition,
 shelter, basic human connection, etc.
 

 
 What are these biological expectations? We can look at them within the
 context of Jean Liedloff’s The Continuum Concept, a book that
 many parents will know. She speaks about the most fundamental
 expectations being:
 

 <ol>
 <li>The baby is placed on the mother after birth, skin-to-skin.</li>
 <li>
 Carrying the baby is extremely important, particularly in the first
 year of life. The mother is often most involved with this.
 </li>
 <li>
 The baby’s needs are responded to. This sounds basic, but it is not
 necessarily what happens. It is genetically programmed in the baby.
 </li>
 <li>
 The baby sleeps in close proximity to the mother, ideally in a safe
 co-sleeping environment. There is a lot of information now on how to
 co-sleep safely with children.
 </li>
 <li>
 The baby is breastfed or bottle-fed on demand, as a biological
 expectation.
 </li>
 </ol>

 
 These expectations are vital for the development of physically and
 psychologically sound children. If we fulfill these biological
 expectations, happiness will naturally become a normal condition of
 their existence. The more research I do, the more I feel that this is a
 basic truth.
 

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 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/7_eternal_truths5_6833af97bc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T14:06:54.875Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <h4>
 Bonding and Attachment
 </h4>

 
 Q: You also talk about bonding and attachment: when biological
 expectations are fulfilled, it automatically leads to bonding and
 attachment, which determines the way we form relationships as children
 and as adults. Can you talk about how that attachment develops?
 

 
 KS:
 Attachment is the formation of a connection dependent on the closeness
 of two human beings. We’re well aware that attachment is vital for the
 survival of baby mammals and birds, but it is most important for baby
 humans, because they are the most helpless of any babies on the planet.
 For human babies, no attachment means no life. It is as simple as that.
 

 
 It creates the sensory and emotional environment that shapes the way we
 experience relationships lifelong. Breaking this bond at the beginning
 of a baby’s life can be devastating, and it may set up potential cycles
 of sub optimal relationships. Human babies are genetically programmed to
 seek out attachment. You may be aware of the rooting reflex, where after
 birth the baby instantly seeks out the nipple of the mother. Also,
 babies align their breathing and heart rate to that of the parent
 they’re sleeping next to. These behaviors enhance attachment between
 parent and child.
 

 
 There are a few key points that are vital for understanding attachment.
 First, you cannot over-attach with your child. Attachment does not
 create a child who is more needy or insecure; the opposite is true. The
 child who has attached well when they’re young will display independence
 and maturity when they’re older.
 

 
 In the book, Hold On to Your Kids, Gordon Neufeld and Gabor
 Maté state that dependence and attachment foster independence and
 genuine separation later in life, contrary to what many parents believe
 and practice. In fact, in society today, there almost seems to be a
 pathological desire to make children mature beyond their years, as
 though this is another form of achievement. But in doing that the
 opposite is achieved. So, the time spent in attaching with your children
 when they are young will result in healthy independence when they’re
 older.
 

 
 Second, you need to be present to attach to your child. This seems
 obvious, but a lot of children spend a high percentage of the working
 day away from their parents. This is in no way judging parents whose
 financial or social situation requires them both to work, but attachment
 does require physical presence.
 

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 decoding="async"
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 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 If you’re not with your children, it is vital to ask: “Who is forming
 attachments with my children?” Children are hardwired to attach, and
 they will attach to those in their closest vicinity. How well do I know
 their values, beliefs, and mindsets? Am I comfortable with that person
 being a major influence in my child’s life during this extremely
 sensitive period of their development?
 

 
 We cannot ignore the realities that many families face, and that’s why
 it’s vital that we provide support to parents to spend time with their
 children. When we see a lack of attachment between parents and children
 there is a loss of social structure and a breakdown of culture.
 Attachment is a hugely important subject when it comes to raising our
 children.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 To be continued.

7 eternal truths for raising happy humans

<h4
id="h-dr-karishma-stretton-is-a-doctor-and-medical-educator-who-has-focused-her-attention-on-parenting-in-part-2-of-her-interview-with-elizabeth-denley-she-speaks-about-the-psychological-development-of-children-and-the-role-of-epigenetics-and-love"
>
DR. KARISHMA STRETTON
 is a doctor and medical educator who has focused her attention on
 parenting. In part 2 of her interview with
 ELIZABETH DENLEY, she speaks about the psychological development of children, and the
 role of epigenetics and love.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


Q: Can you talk about the psychological development of a child? It’s
 not just at the physical, but also at the more subtle levels of
 consciousness and subconscious levels that we connect with our
 children. Are we calm and loving, stressed and anxious, or are we
 struggling?



You’ve read Bruce Lipton’s work on how the subconscious mind is far more
important in determining our behavior and responses to the world than
the conscious mind, which is a thin film between the subconscious and
the superconscious. What can we do as parents apart from bonding and
meeting biological expectations? How do we move into healthy
psychological development?



KS: It’s beautiful the way you’re describing it, Elizabeth. The conscious
and the subconscious mind and the different ways it comes out in the way
we behave. Our physiology and psychology, even. The brain of the baby
undergoes such rapid development in the first seven years of life. This
period in a child’s development is of enormous potential, but also
requires great care as it represents a time of almost super-charged
hardwiring of the brain. Those who have primary contact with the child
in these early years are effectively engineering the mind of the child.



In the early years, the human brain undergoes a phenomenal rapid
download. It is not only a download of skill sets, like how to
physically survive in this world, but also a program of beliefs – how to
fit into society, where to fit into the scheme of things. In order to
understand how this rapid programming takes place, it is best to think
of the mind as the duality of the conscious and subconscious mind. The
conscious mind is rational, and through it we exercise free will. The
subconscious mind dwells below the level of consciousness, and together
with the unconscious mind, is largely responsible for our beliefs,
habits, and behaviors.



We really need to ask ourselves how our subconscious and unconscious
minds are programmed, because what goes in there when we are young
affects all aspects of life: our beliefs, our limitations, our
physiology, and our health.


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 alt="parenting2"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting2_8e6135c00e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T07:28:40.209Z"
 />
</figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


If we look at the various stages of a child’s development, different
brainwave activity predominates at different stages:



From birth to 2: delta waves. From 2 to 6: theta waves. From 6
to 12: alpha waves. From 12onward: beta waves.



From birth to 2 years, with delta waves predominating, there is a state
of deep relaxation. From two to six years, theta waves predominate,
which can be described as a state of lighter sleep or just waking up.
Hypnotherapists aim to get people into the delta or theta wave states
because of their increased suggestibility. Children do not have a
developed conscious mind, an analytical mind, to filter out all the
input. We could say that children from birth until the age of six are
almost in a hypnotic state, where there’s a real hardwiring in their
brains of the suggestions and behaviors of those around them as truths.



I first discovered this information on parenting when I was reading
Bruce Lipton’s The Biology of Belief. We are effectively
programming the minds of our children. Even though this can be quite
frightening, it’s a wonderful empowering opportunity to program a
positive mindset into our children. I enjoyed being with my children at
bedtime, which I saw as a door into their subconscious minds as they
drifted off to sleep. I enjoyed expressing statements of love for them,
and statements that would empower them with words of positivity, such as
“you’re strong,” “you’re healthy,” “you’re beautiful,” “I’m so grateful
to have you in my life,” “you have incredible qualities that you can
give to this world,” “I’m so proud of who you are.” It’s an opportunity
to create beautiful minds as these words are absorbed into their
subconscious as truths. For me, that’s how I put it into practice with
my own children.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />


In the early years, the human brain undergoes a
 phenomenal rapid download. It is not only a download of
 skill sets, like how to physically survive in this world, but
 also a program of beliefs – how to fit into society, where
 to fit into the scheme of things.


<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


Q: Can you talk about how suggestibility and the use of positive
 affirmations can also affect us at the epigenetic level? For example,
 Bruce Lipton’s study shows that stress affects the growth of the fetus
 during pregnancy. Can you speak about epigenetics, and how our role as
 parents affects children?



KS: Epigenetics is a relatively new area of science that has helped us
understand the delicate relationship between environmental influences
and our genetic expression. In the past, genetic determinism was the
predominant approach – the belief that our genetics are fixed from
birth, but epigenetics has changed that understanding.



There’s a really good analogy: If DNA is your unique song, the epigenome
is the audio engineer who changes the way the song is played –the
volume, the quality, the adding or removing of certain instruments. In
the same way, our genetics can be altered by our epigenome.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />


Love needs to be abundant, unconditional, and never withdrawn.
 When we combine those with being present for our children,
 and surrounding ourselves with a community of supportive
 individuals, we have the vital ingredients for a rewarding
 parenting style.


<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


Our epigenetic markers are a set of instructions that sit on top of our
DNA histones. Epigenetic markers are chemical tags that signal or
influence whether or not the gene should compress or unravel to allow
the cell to read the instructions on the DNA. Epigenetic instruction
dictates which genes are switched on and off, so it is the link between
our environmental influence and our health, personality, and even
behavior.



You mentioned Lipton’s example of stress on the fetus, and this is a
perfect example of epigenetics in the context of children. Stress is
such an important case to discuss because it is pervasive in today’s
society, and stress is translated into hormonal and chemical signals.
Everyone’s probably familiar with adrenaline. In the case of a pregnant
woman, stress hormones and chemicals flood her bloodstream, then go
through the placenta into the fetus. It is now well known that women who
experience stress during pregnancy are at greater risk of pre-term
birth. Their babies are at a much greater risk of smaller birth weight,
asthma, allergies, infectious diseases, etc. Also, through epigenetics,
prenatal stress can actually be one of the most powerful influences on
mental health in later life.



And epigenetics can actually work through generations. Ancestral changes
can be passed through to the fetus, and also cause changes further down
the line. We just cannot deny the incredible influence we have over our
children’s genetic expression. Even though it’s daunting and terrifying,
we can actually use this information to maximize our children’s
potential.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

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<figure>
 <img
 alt="parenting3"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting3_700x466_f6cdfe46de.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T07:29:10.118Z"
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</figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


Q: Karishma, how can we do that with kindness to mothers? So much is
 put on mothers. How do we allow women to own this in a very healthy,
 non-judgmental way? We are very good at saying, “Here’s the science.
 Now, unless you do this, this, this, and this, you’re a bad
 mother.”



KS:
I know that feeling too well; the guilt that so many mothers carry
because of the science. We are told lists of things we must do to be
able to tick the boxes and have children who are meeting their
potential.



We need to look at the way our society is at the moment. We’re entering
a period where many people are questioning the status quo. We’ve been
faced with phenomenal challenges that we have not had to deal with
before. Parents are already stressed. Just add to that the complexities
and responsibilities of raising children.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
One thing we can be certain about is that we have the ability
 to create positive change. We can improve this world
 through the creation of well-adjusted, loving, empathetic
 humans.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


One thing we can be certain about is that we have the ability to create
positive change. We can improve this world through the creation of
well-adjusted, loving, empathetic humans. If I look back and reflect on
all the aspects of parenting that contribute to the creation of happy
humans, there’s one common thread and it’s love. The language of love is
the key ingredient. Most other aspects of positive parenting naturally
unfold as a result of love. Love needs to be abundant, unconditional,
and never withdrawn. When we combine those with being present for our
children, and surrounding ourselves with a community of supportive
individuals, we have the vital ingredients for a rewarding parenting
style.&nbsp;



Q: That’s beautiful! Thank you.

Karishma Stretton

Karishma has an educational background in Medicine and Law. She has worked as a doctor in the Australian public hospital system, and taught medical students at the University of Notre Dame, Sydney. Her expertise in parenting integrates her experience as a medical professional and a parent.

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