Mamata&nbsp;couples mental health and meditation with her passion for storytelling, using Instagram as a space to build community. Her&nbsp;<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snkr-1C2e7U&amp;t=1s">2016 TEDx presentation</a> has been viewed over 2.7 million times.&nbsp;She is currently a freelance social media and content manager, and an editor and writer for Heartfulness Magazine.

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Mamata Subramanyam

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h2 class="has-text-align-center">
 oh, there i am – lost
</h2>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 years ago, i began a very long game of hide and seek. i
 looked in every nook and i scavenged every cranny to try and find where
 i might have been hidden.



 i thought i was concealed behind the fast-fading highs of
 success. i was adamant that i existed in the hearts of those who
 never stayed.



 in my blackest state of loneliness i had given up all hope, and
 believed I was lost for good. in that dungeon of rock bottom a voice
 that sounded suspiciously like my own made its way through the
 cracks of my beat up, battered soul.



 kindly, but firmly she whispered to my heart: “my dear, you have looked
 everywhere, when all along, you were here.”



<hr class="vertical-space1" />


<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h2 class="has-text-align-center">
 oh, there i am – found
</h2>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 width="400"
 height="518"
 alt="oh-there-i-am-2"
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/oh_there_i_am_2_a873fdbc53.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T05:44:36.473Z"
 />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 a few days ago i glanced into the mirror and was surprised to
 find a stranger peering back at me. who was this girl eyes
 bright with joy, smile full with excitement, spine straight with
 confidence, spirit strong with conviction?



 those brown eyes are shaped like mine. and that smile belongs
 to me. when she stretches her spine i grow taller. the more she
 speaks my spirit grows bolder.



 the deeper i go the more i am surprised to find i was never
 going to be found in any nook or cranny i was hiding in me all
 along.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by LAKSHMI GADDAM</h4>

<hr />

Oh, there i am

<h4
 id="h-mamata-venkat-looks-back-over-the-last-year-which-has-been-full-of-tragedy-and-finds-the-moments-of-light-and-laughter-that-bring-joy-and-celebration-to-life">
 MAMATA VENKAT
 looks back over the last year, which has been full of tragedy, and finds the
 moments of light and laughter that bring joy and celebration to
 life.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Here are a few statistics I recently heard on an episode of the
 Hidden Brain podcast:&nbsp;


On average, children laugh 300 times a day.

It takes adults two and a half months to laugh as much.

Adults stop laughing around the age of 23, once they reach working age.


 I’m an adult (theoretically). I laugh a lot, don’t I? I think I do. I think I
 laugh many times a day.


Actually, I don’t.&nbsp;

What is stopping me from laughing more?


 And why does it take difficult moments to realize how much we take joy,
 laughter, love, and people for granted?


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img alt="I-take-laughter-granted2" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/I_take_laughter_granted2_b1b4adb621.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T10:46:43.598Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 This realization sticks with me harder than ever in a year our family has been
 hit with several successive months of sudden loss. It has been overwhelming
 trying to make sense of the grief that we never, ever, expected to experience.



 As you slowly start to shake off the shock and heaviness of loss, you
 resurface to find that simple things like jokes, humor, and laughter still
 exist. They are still allowed to exist. And every moment that you get to soak
 in that joy from laughter feels almost medicinal, a soothing reprieve from the
 pain that reminds you that, yes, even in the midst of deep, overwhelming
 sadness, you are still allowed to be happy.



 Laughter has been the light we have let in during a year that has often been
 quite dark. It has come in many forms:



 In the staring contests I have over entire weekends with my young cousins, who
 will giggle at just about anything.



 In a story my dad shared shortly after my grandfather’s funeral, about the
 time my grandfather waved merrily to a driver who was giving him the finger
 because he thought it was a friendly American gesture.



 In the heated board and video games that my nephews pull me into, which have
 me cracking up because of their smack talk.



 In the inside jokes shared over the phone amongst friends that keep us
 satisfied until we can all be together again in person.



 In the Friends reruns that my niece and I enjoy, which still make us
 laugh in all the same spots.



 In the moments my mom and I dance around the kitchen to our favorite ’90s
 country songs that have us sharing twin snorts because she always forgets the
 lyrics.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img alt="I-take-laughter-granted3" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/I_take_laughter_granted3_1_8ee7f53d87.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T10:50:07.794Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 I will allow myself to laugh with the innocence of a child,
 straight from the heart, with abandon and without
 fear, with gratitude for every person in my
 world, and full of appreciation for simple humor,
 joy, and celebration of life.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 This last year has so painfully and beautifully cracked my heart wide open and
 has taught me to let the light in and appreciate every moment to its fullest.
 I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I often take the simple things for
 granted.&nbsp;



 Forget the adult statistics; I will never, ever, take laughter for
 granted again! I will allow myself to laugh with the innocence of a child,
 straight from the heart, with abandon and without fear, with gratitude for
 every person in my world, and full of appreciation for simple humor, joy, and
 celebration of life.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL</h4>

<hr />

I take laughter for granted

<hr class="vertical-space1">
<h4>MAMATA VENKAT shares her experience of attending an extraordinary event near
 Hyderabad, India – the inauguration of a vast new meditation center in honor of 75 years of Heartfulness.</h4>
<img decoding="async" alt="a-new-era" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/KSV_6_4796cabe05.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T13:06:09.098Z">

On a cool, windy morning on Tuesday, January 28, the Hyderabadi sun slowly cast its
 light over 40,000 Heartfulness practitioners quietly sitting together in meditation at Kanha Shanti Vanam Ashram.
 Heartfulness was celebrating the 75th anniversary of its first organization, Shri Ram Chandra Mission, with the
 inauguration of the world’s largest meditation center. This was to be the first of three separate seminars – the
 first from January 28th to 30th, the second from February 1st to 3rd, and the third from February 7th to 9th. All in
 all, 100,000 people attended the three seminars. Seekers from around the world had been eagerly awaiting the arrival
 of this momentous occasion. In the days prior, they came in waves, filling up the newly-constructed dormitories with
 suitcases, laughter, and a readiness to absorb the subtle meditative condition that was pervading the dusty Indian
 air.
On the inauguration day, Daaji was joined on stage by Yogrishi Swami Ramdev, the
 co-founder of Pantanjali Ayurved. Swamiji Ramdev sat peacefully with Daaji as he conducted meditation sessions over
 the course of the three-day celebration, and also demonstrated his extensive knowledge of Ashtanga Yoga to the
 audience. He shared a few yogic techniques with the audience, explaining the purpose of each, and encouraging the
 practitioners to utilize them in times of need. He later expressed his enthusiasm and joy to be part of the
 celebrations.
<img decoding="async" alt="Daaji-Swami Ramdev" 
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/KSV_2_45eb58ff6a.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T13:06:54.300Z">

At the end of his visit, he said, “Though I am leaving physically, Shri Ram Chandra
 Mission will be in my heart, mind, and soul forever. And those who have not yet come to this spiritual path, they,
 too, will eventually find this because it is the very goal of life.”
During the second seminar, the ashram was graced by the presence of a number of
 government dignitaries, including the President of India and the First Lady, Ram Nath Kovind and Savita Kovind. A
 long-time practitioner of Heartfulness, President Kovind expressed his appreciation for the growth of the
 Heartfulness movement:
“I am glad to see that Shri Ram Chandra Mission has been promoting both individual
 change as well as social change. The Mission is promoting the great ancient tradition of Raja Yoga, meditation in
 the modern world. This campus, Kanha Shanti Vanam, presents a model of holistic living.”
<img decoding="async" alt="Daaji-Ramnath Kovind" 
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/KSV_4_5c0f481536.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T13:07:48.802Z">

<img decoding="async" alt="a-new-era" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/KSV_3_8845bf7de6.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T13:08:50.708Z">

Kanha Shanti Vanam Ashram has experienced significant evolution in the last year,
 evolving into a beautiful and peaceful utopia that is enjoyed by all. Visitors not only have the chance to utilize
 the meditation facilities to deepen their inner condition, but they also have ample opportunity to explore each part
 of Kanha’s 1,400-acre grounds, including the Yatra Garden, many organic vegetable and herb gardens, medicinal
 gardens, the HFNlife shopping area, Fausto’s Italian Restaurant, the extraordinary children’s playgrounds, the
 cottage industries, and Books &amp; More, Kanha’s central bookstore. In the evenings, everyone was treated to
 musical performances from both classical and modern artists.
<img decoding="async" alt="a-new-era" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/KSV_5_affe5f3d22.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T13:09:42.815Z">

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by MAMATA VENKAT</h4>
<hr>

A new era

<h3 style="text-align: center;">GENERATION NOW</h3>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
<h4>MAMATA VENKAT celebrates the season of romantic love and reminds us of the
 importance of self-love for a successful relationship.</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
Let me preface this article by saying that I am no expert when it comes to love and
 relationships. My experience with love comes from years of watching corny (yet satisfying) romantic comedies filled
 with escalating conflicts between two main characters that an audience knows are destined to be together, and a few
 personal, immature experiences with “love” that ultimately ended up being fantastic learning lessons.
It’s February, the month of Valentine’s Day. Stores burst with red and pink cards and
 chocolate boxes and mushy signs of love. Televisions play commercials of fresh-faced partners surprising their loved
 ones with engagement rings from jewelry stores with discount deals. And couples are all abuzz making plans with
 their significant others for the most love-filled day of the year.
I am at an age in my life when many of my close friends are either in serious
 relationships, are engaged or married, or are settling down and starting families. Phone and texting conversations
 are now filled with sleuth-y discussions on when a significant other might propose based on a hint that they dropped
 about a trip in January; single friends ask coupled friends how they knew their partners were “The One,” then weigh
 the pros and cons of getting on dating apps versus arranged marriage; and pregnancy announcements with
 cleverly-crafted captions and colorful gender reveals now fill my Instagram feed. This phase of life was inevitable,
 and yet I am surprised by how suddenly it has crept up around me.
I am the single friend that often asks her coupled friends how they knew they were ready
 to be in a relationship or get married. I collect data from everyone – from my parents’ thirty-year relationship, to
 my best friend’s nine-month courtship, to the friends that went from high school sweethearts to a family of four.
 And while all of them have vastly different stories of how they knew their partner, there is one common thread in
 all of their answers: in order to find love with someone, they first had to find love within themselves.
No relationship is successful, my friends and family always say, if you can’t be your
 own person, develop your own perspective, and become fully comfortable in your own independence. While the current
 “self-love” movement can often feel somewhat saccharin, there is so much validity in it – in learning as much as you
 can about yourself and creating settlement in that before trying to engage with another person.
<img alt="love-and-relationships" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/love_relationships2_ff5c72dd11.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T06:33:47.537Z">

I am guilty of not focusing on myself enough. In the past, whether it be in a romantic
 relationship or in friendships, I have been known to give and give and give and, in that unhealthy process, lose
 myself. I’m sure many of us have been in this boat, or are currently in this boat, and are unsure of how to make the
 change.
So how do we break this cycle? I’ve been trying to do a better job of “dating myself”:
I go on walks by myself.
I spend full days alone cooking, reading, researching, and
 meditating.
I write in a diary, often asking myself questions that I
 would ask a partner or a friend.
I visit spots in New York City on my own, and challenge
 myself to do things by myself that I would normally do with friends.
I put extra effort into my practice of Heartfulness, which
 ultimately allows me to feel the most connected to myself.
These small moments of self-love are enough to allow me to continue to do more research
 on myself, to understand what I want and what I need, and to ultimately make those wants and needs the foundation of
 my individual. The more I learn about myself, the easier it feels to hold my own ground and not feel consumed by
 other people’s perceptions and perspectives. And I know that the more solid I feel as an independent individual, the
 healthier of a contributor I will be to any relationship.
So, in this sweet season of love, I hope we never forget to take interest in ourselves
 even when it feels challenging and to give ourselves love first in the best and most positive ways.
<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by MAMATA VENKAT 
 Illustrations by JASMEE RATHOD</h4>
<hr>

Love and relationships

<h4>
 MAMATA VENKAT
 shares 6 simple time management tools you can apply that will help combat
 the stress that comes with balancing multiple priorities at work.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 I burst into tears the other day after a long day at work. A few projects
 hadn’t worked well, roadblocks prevented me from moving forward on some tasks,
 and I hadn’t slept well the night before, leaving me exhausted and spaced out.
 Normally, these things wouldn’t overwhelm me, but combined, they made me feel
 like a hare-brained mess, and I questioned my ability.



 Unmanageable days are normal. Often I pile work, stress, and emotions so high
 that by the time I realize how overwhelmed I am, the pile is already quickly
 falling around me. If only I had enough arms to catch everything! Knowing that
 life will always throw several things at me, I decided to be preemptive about
 the way I handle the stress of it. That way, even when I can’t fully
 anticipate chaos, at least I will be inwardly still, prepared to handle
 anything. As my mom always reminds me, it often comes down to time management.



 So here are 6 simple hacks that can help preempt even the most stressful days,
 if you practice them consistently:




<h4>
 1. Have a regular routine.
 
</h4>


 While disruptions are normal, there are things about our routine that we can
 control. Small things, such as waking up at the same time, having three to
 four hours in the morning before we start work, eating breakfast, lunch, and
 dinner at the same time. All these will help set your internal biological
 clock and make your body feel more at ease.


<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="438" height="346" alt="eat" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/eat_5ba01cbc4b.png?updated_at=2023-04-10T08:01:14.742Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 2. Schedule 30 to 60-minute work blocks, then take a
 15-minute break.
 
</h4>


 Especially because of remote work during the pandemic, the pattern of working
 without taking breaks has become normal. This unhealthy pattern can lead to
 faster mental and physical burnout and lower work productivity. Scheduling
 dedicated work blocks, then schedule a 15-minute break to get up, stretch,
 hydrate, and give your mind a rest.


<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="426" height="404" alt="Stretch" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/stretch_26ab6ab7dc.png?updated_at=2023-04-10T08:02:41.328Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 3. Reduce meeting times.
 
</h4>


 Have 15, 30, or 45-minute meetings, so that you leave time to manage
 deliverables. My days can be filled with back-to-back
 meetings, forcing me to work late into the night to complete my actual work.


<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="500" height="350" alt="reduce_meeting_time" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/reduce_meeting_time_5f68028549.png?updated_at=2023-04-10T08:03:57.961Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 4. Get your steps in!
 
</h4>


 Don’t take your body for granted. The less you take care of your physical
 health, the more worn out you will feel. Even 10 minutes of exercise a day can
 make a huge difference. Try scheduling your work breaks around some
 exercise.&nbsp;


<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="500" height="416" alt="exercise" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/exercise_0faef2ff90.png?updated_at=2023-04-10T08:05:27.139Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 5. Make mental health a habit.
 
</h4>


 Mental wellness is just as important as physical wellness. Exercises like
 meditation will help you to regulate the emotions and thoughts that create
 stress, anxiety, and other negative reactions, so it is easier to meet tougher
 days in a more balanced state.&nbsp;


<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="483" height="484" alt="meditate" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/meditate_678a835dc9.png?updated_at=2023-04-10T08:06:41.951Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 6. Sleep, sleep, sleep!
</h4>


 Do you operate with the incorrect assumption that you can function on little
 or no sleep? Sleep is
 <a href="https://www.heartfulnessmagazine.com/sleep-2/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">critical to
 purifying and restoring your system</a>. Try to get the recommended 7 to 8 hours sleep each night.


<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="500" height="410" alt="Sleep" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/sleep_90e9fbbf5e.png?updated_at=2023-04-10T08:08:09.596Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

6 simple way to make your workday more manageable

<h4
 id="h-mamata-venkat-manages-external-communications-and-public-relations-for-anthem-s-global-chief-information-office-through-personal-reflection-she-talks-about-how-negative-emotions-especially-anger-have-driven-her-to-consistently-invest-time-in-her-whole-health-and-well-being"
 >
 MAMATA VENKAT
 manages external communications and public relations for Anthem’s
 Global Chief Information Office. Through personal reflection, she
 talks about how negative emotions – especially anger –have driven her
 to consistently invest time in her whole health and
 well-being.
 </h4>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 Several situations helped me realize I was doing a terrible job of
 putting myself first. In my twenties, I couldn’t see how unhealthy some
 of my relationships were until I quit them; at one moment I couldn’t
 manage my anxiety, and nearly lost a job because of it; my body felt
 exhausted when I didn’t nourish it with food and sleep; I felt burned
 out because of work stress and anxiety; and I was generally trying to
 exist. But the realization of how little time I was investing in myself
 did not come from any of these specific moments. Instead, it came from a
 feeling that still surprises me: anger.
 

 
 The isolation of the pandemic forced me to do some self-reflection that
 helped me own and rectify my shortcomings, but in parallel came the
 realization that my baseline emotion was often deep anger. I was angry
 at everything: at friends and family who had said hurtful
 things to me months or years ago; at times when I had been too scared to
 stand up for myself, letting people walk and speak all over me; at loved
 ones whose constructive criticism I took too harshly; at the pandemic
 for pushing me out of New York City; at everyone else for everything,
 because it was easier than trying to change myself.
 

 
 I would spiral through thoughts, all with the end goal of wishing that
 people who had walked all over me would come back, fix how I was
 feeling, and give that positive energy back to me. I wanted
 them to invest in me the way I had been willing to
 invest in them.
 

 
 I would hear how negatively I’d speak to myself, constantly shaming and
 reprimanding myself for being human. I could never speak to my best
 friend in the critical, deprecating way I would speak to myself, so, why
 was it okay?
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 By “being your own best friend,” you’re less inclined to
 live your life based on other people’s standards.
 Instead you are motivated to live the life you 
 have always wanted.
 </h4>

 <hr />

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 There was a period when I attended regular therapy sessions (I highly
 recommend them). I spent several sessions venting my frustrations about
 others, and my therapist would patiently listen and validate my
 feelings. But when I was ready to really listen, she said to me:&nbsp;
 

 
 “Remember that game kids play, hot potato? Someone would play music, and
 kids would pretend to throw an invisible hot potato from person to
 person, and whenever the music stopped, the person holding the potato
 was out? Blame is like a hot potato. It’s fine to toss it from person to
 person, but the music has stopped, and right now you’re the one who is
 feeling the burn. And if you’re still feeling the burn, that means it is
 your responsibility to figure out how to stop it.”
 

 
 Wellness experts and Instagram influencers are constantly posting photos
 and videos captioned with 2200 characters of self-love and self-care
 words intended to motivate us to set aside our insecurities, seize the
 day and “be your own best friend.”&nbsp; By “being your own best
 friend,” you’re less inclined to live your life based on other people’s
 standards. Instead you are motivated to live the life you have always
 wanted.
 

 
 As someone who regularly posts lengthy motivational captions on my own
 Instagram page, I’d be a hypocrite if I balked at any of these
 ubiquitous self-love posts. However, I still feel uncertain when I read
 or write such posts, like there is a part of me that is looking for the
 validation that I am allowed to put myself first. Can I really invest
 energy in myself? Am I allowed to do that?
 

 
 This is a discussion I have been having with colleagues and friends–
 especially my female friends. Many of us still feel that internal
 tug-of-war of enabling others’ needs and perspectives versus empowering
 and honoring what feels natural to us. Why do we have such a hard time
 putting ourselves first? And why does it take a real struggle for us to
 realize that we have been depleting ourselves?
 

 
 For me, a lot of it comes from a people-pleasing mentality that is both
 cultural and innate. I often operate with a fear that if I don’t do what
 is asked of me, or what the people I care about expect of me, then I’m
 failing. That is where I have derived a lot of my value. That is also
 where I have derived a lot of my anger.
 

 
 For years I have minimized my inner voice so much that when I finally
 was able to see a 30,000-foot view of my reality, the only thing that
 felt in my control was putting blame on everyone and everything else.
 That anger consumed me so much that it took me a long time to recognize
 that the better, healthier solution was to be present for myself.
 

 
 So, how am I learning how to be my own best friend? It’s a work in
 progress. These are five things that have been helping me feel a little
 closer to my most authentic, natural self:
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 width="700"
 height="1754"
 alt="5ways-your-own-friend-infographic"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/5ways_your_own_friend_infographic_700x1754_ce1ec4f3bc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T13:08:14.714Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Get to know yourself. Figure out what makes you feel
 whole. Allow room for growth. Allow room for change.
 </h4>

 <hr />

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 My therapist gave me the hot potato metaphor when I was twenty-four. I’m
 almost thirty now. I still carry that wisdom with me in the moments I’m
 inclined to play the blame game rather than take responsibility for my
 own growth.
 

 
 Your relationship with yourself is the most constant and important
 relationship you’ll ever have. It may take time to realize that, but
 when you do, start the work. Get to know yourself. Figure out what makes
 you feel whole. Allow room for growth. Allow room for change. You are
 allowed to put time and energy into yourself. You don’t need
 permission. In fact, you just should.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 width="224"
 height="162"
 alt="5ways-your-own-friend3"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/5ways_your_own_friend3_1c10f0c21b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T13:09:16.232Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

Listen to the influencers: 5 ways to be your own best friend

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <spanundefined
 >MAMATA VENKAT opens up about the
 challenge of finding self-compassion and self-acceptance in a world of
 judgment and criticism. She also offers 10 tips from her own experience
 about how to cultivate a self-nurturing approach to life.
</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h3 style="text-align: center">
 <spanundefined style="color: #c7a10a"
 >FINDING YOUR COLORS AMIDST THE BLACK AND WHITE
</h3>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <spanundefined
 >I want to challenge all of us with a question: Why are we so good at
 being kind to the people we love, but not to ourselves?
 


 <spanundefined
 >Whenever a friend calls me to vent, to talk through a mistake, or to
 self-criticize, I am always prepared with an arsenal of compassionate
 phrases:
 “It’s important that you aren’t so hard on yourself.”
 <spanundefined
 >“You are not a bad person.” “It wasn’t a mistake – it was a learning
 lesson.” “You are an amazing person, and you will grow from this.”


 <spanundefined
 >I soothe, I comfort, I take away blame. I remind them of their worth. I
 encourage them to accept responsibility for what could be better, and at
 the same time to remember that it is okay to be human. I tell them that,
 in every situation that seems black and white, there inevitably is always
 color.


 <spanundefined
 >
 And yet, when the roles are reversed, and it is my turn to feel the weight
 of an error, the cut of an insecurity, or the (completely normal) wetness
 of tears triggered by the overwhelm of figuring out life, I only view my
 world through that black and white lens. I spend hours – sometimes days –
 mentally punishing myself for even the slightest mistake, without leaving
 any room to let the light of Grace in. By not giving myself compassion, I
 limit my ability to create balance, and my world becomes even more
 colorless.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<img
 alt="creating-balance2"
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance2_18307e0365.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:34:30.345Z"
/>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 <spanundefined
 >
 Many of you may probably identify with this. How do we find that healthy
 balance of trying to create our best journeys while simultaneously finding
 the right salves that can quickly smooth the inevitable internal bumps and
 bruises that appear along the way?
 


 <spanundefined
 >I imagine that the forced isolation of a global pandemic has exacerbated
 this for many of us. We have all spent nearly a year attempting to wade
 forward through uncertainty, while at the same time we see the need to
 face ourselves and our shortcomings that need work. Marry all of this with
 physical distancing, lots of global uncertainty, and the usual myriad of
 day-to-day stresses, and
 <spanundefined
 >it becomes even clearer that the need for both balance and
 self-compassion is at an ultimate high.


 <spanundefined
 >
 So in a year when we all deserve a little slack, are we actually giving
 ourselves the Grace and compassion we deserve? In other words: amidst all
 of the black and the white, both internal and external, are we actively
 searching for color?


 <spanundefined
 >I am the first to admit it: I am no artist. Even my stick figures could
 use some work. But I always appreciate a good metaphor, and thinking about
 things that make the dark moments brighter always helps me to create
 balance.
 


 <spanundefined
 >So what does “finding your colors” look like? Here are 10 tips that have
 worked for me:
 

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance4"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance4_cc45b28dc7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:34:30.042Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Own the bad moments
</h4>

 <spanundefined
 >They happen, and it’s okay to make a mistake and to own it. It’s okay to
 feel sad, angry, hurt, or miserable, and to own it. It’s okay that we have
 bad moments. They don’t make us weaker or minimize our worth. They simply
 make us human.
 

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance5"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance5_ed4bb38ae2.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:35:25.519Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Speak to yourself the way you would speak to your friends and family
</h4>

 In hard moments, take a step out of your mind for a moment, and speak to
 yourself the way you would speak to your best friend. Would you approach them
 with judgment, irritation, or harsh criticism? Or would you give them honesty
 with kindness and compassion? It is important that we recognize our
 responsibility to be a friend to ourselves as much as we would be a friend to
 others.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance6"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance6_4b85d2c596.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:35:25.497Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Reframe “mistake” as “learning lesson”
</h4>

 I have found that when I look at a misstep as a mistake, I have a tendency to
 be even harder on myself. When I instead choose to look at that misstep as a
 lesson to be learned from, not only am I less likely to be self-critical, but
 I am also more inclined to grow from that moment, and to not repeat it.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance7"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance7_f9746aea0b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:35:25.499Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Take the compliment
</h4>

 Many of us have a tendency to shy away from a compliment. We brush it off
 without embracing it, thinking that we either don’t deserve it, or that it
 will make us arrogant to accept. These days, when someone gives me a
 compliment, I am working on hearing it, pausing to accept it, embracing it,
 and simply saying thank you.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance8"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance8_93eea12701.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:35:25.500Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Give yourself the compliment
</h4>

 Own when you have earned it. If you do a good job on a project, at school, at
 making a dish, or doing something as simple as taking out the garbage, pat
 yourself on the back and give yourself the “good job” you deserve – it is
 completely okay to do this.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance9"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance9_389179b3ef.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:35:25.518Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Throw judgment out the window
</h4>

 In the Heartfulness practice, we often talk about attitudes that are poison to
 our spiritual growth, such as prejudice. Judgment, whether is toward ourselves
 or toward others, is a poison to our growth. The more we foster it, the harder
 it becomes to learn and move forward.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance10"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance10_68ed2e485a.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:34:30.040Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Create self-compassion practices
</h4>

 Are there practices that help you feel more grounded in yourself ? For me,
 those practices include meditation, writing in a diary, going for a walk to
 think, and singing. When I need additional affirmation, I often write positive
 words on Post-It notes and stick them around my room. All of these practices
 help me feel closer to myself, and help to heal those moments of self-doubt or
 self-criticism. Find a few practices that help you to feel closer to yourself,
 and allow those practices to center you during difficult moments.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance11"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance11_9783ac372e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:34:30.123Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Have vulnerable conversations
</h4>

 Over the years, I have found that having conversations with friends and family
 who are experiencing similar feelings is a helpful way to clear out self-doubt
 and self-criticism. It can be hard to open up and be honest with people about
 insecurities, negative thoughts, or feelings, but by treating this like a
 practice, the easier it becomes, and the more we find healing by relating to
 other people.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance12"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance12_0957bc6a37.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:34:30.186Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Push yourself in healthy ways
</h4>

 Something I am trying to do is not to let tough moments derail me – be it a
 mistake or moments of insecurity. Instead, own it and push forward. In the
 past, if I would goof up at work, I would immediately start the process of
 self-deprecation, which would cause a lot of anxiety and find me repeating my
 mistakes. It has taken practice and intentional work to arrive at a place
 where I can own a mistake, be gentle with myself about it, and immediately
 figure out a solution so I can actually learn from the past and not repeat it.

<h4 class="text-center my-5">
 <img
 alt="creating-balance13"
 width="75"
 height="75"
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance13_9a09bee1cc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:34:30.109Z"
 />
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Make space for gratitude
</h4>

 The best way to combat the negative is with the positive. In the last couple
 of years, I have tried to find different moments to acknowledge gratitude,
 whether that is in a diary, on pieces of papers, or in words shared with the
 people I care about. While it can be easy to wallow in the bad, it is
 healthier for our mind, body, and soul to focus on what is positive.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<img
 alt="creating-balance3"
 class="w-100 lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_balance3_7a4f53be88.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T13:34:30.343Z"
/>


 Much of this is easier said than done. All of us have our own unique journey
 to take on the path to self-compassion and inner security. As individual as
 our paths are, there is one thing all of us have in common: We all have the
 ability to create color in our lives. We just have to make the choice to do
 so.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Article By MAMATA VENKAT Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL
</h4>

<hr />

Creating balance

<h3 style="text-align: center;">GENERATION NOW</h3>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
<h4>MAMATA VENKAT shares some practical tips on how
 to create habits out of New Year’s resolutions, and generally how to bring about effective change in your
 lifestyle.</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
The start of the New Year often feels like a period of rebirth. It is a reset of the
 clock, a fresh start that allows us to take inventory on the status of the past year, to celebrate its wins, and to
 honor areas of growth and improvement that can be carried into the following year. December seems to be the prime
 month for everyone and everything, from family members to friends to commercials to self-care articles, to ask us the
 ever-pressing and slightly stressful bold-lettered question: “What is your New Year’s Resolution?” 
I am what I call a “recovering resolution-making over-enthusiast.” In the past, every
 time the last week of December came around, I would evaluate my year and write up a very lengthy, very unrealistic
 resolution list. I was determined to stick with it. Come January, I would successfully go gung-ho on my list for a few
 weeks, only to find myself quickly burning out on my goals. March, April, May would fly by, and that long resolution
 list I made back in December would find itself in a corner of my life collecting dust. Discouraged, I would forget
 about my goals completely, resolving that next year would be the year that I tackled all of my resolutions. It took a
 few instances for me to realize that there were two issues with the way I was handling things:
I was doing too much, and expecting too much, all in too little
 time.
I was looking at my resolutions as insurmountable mountains that I
 needed to climb, instead of simply as habit building.
That’s all resolutions are really: habit building. I needed to build my habits in the
 same steady way I built my meditation practice, gradually, with ease, and intentionally. Once I reframed resolutions
 as habits, it became easier to take them off the pedestal and implement them into my routine.
<img class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/start_newyear_right2_ec5bae5802.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T04:29:37.649Z" />

Here are a few tactics that have helped me build habits throughout the year
<h4>1. &nbsp;Define what your goal is and why it is
 significant. </h4>
What is the purpose of your resolution? Why is it significant in bettering your life? Write it out. It helps to
 understand what it is that you are trying to achieve
<h4>2. What steps can you take to get there? </h4>
Instead of jumping right in, write out actionable steps that you can take to achieve your goal. When I started to
 incorporate meditation into my routine, I first started with five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the
 evening. As I grew comfortable with those five minutes, I kept adding on an additional five minutes until I could sit
 for 30 to 40 minutes. Taking those steps helped to build the habit and improve upon it.
<h4 style="text-align:center;">
 <img class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/start_newyear_right3_ef4348b46e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T04:31:40.123Z">
</h4>
<h4>3. What does success look like for this resolution at one month, three months, six
 months, nine months, and a year?</h4>
What progress would you like to see in yourself with this habit throughout the course of the year? Mile marking goals
 helps to set easy points of achievement throughout the year.
<h4>4. Track your progress.</h4>
Tracking your progress allows you to be accountable for your progress. A few years ago, I took up bullet journaling,
 a record-keeping method that allows you to design how you want to track your goals and to-do lists. I used this method
 as a way to record how I was doing with each aspect of the Heartfulness practice. When I saw how it helped me to keep
 up with my meditation practice, I started to use bullet journaling as a way to manage all of my habits.
<h4>5. Be flexible and allow your goals to change as you and your year changes.
</h4>
Part of habit building is allowing your goals to change and adapt with you as you grow throughout the year. We often
 have a fixed vision of what our end results should be and get frustrated when those expectations don’t meet reality. I
 am learning how to allow for flexibility with those goals, as they evolve in the same way I do.
<h4>6. Willpower, willpower, willpower.</h4>
No goal can be achieved unless you take interest in yourself and apply willpower toward its success. Commit to your
 goal, and don’t stop until you achieve it.
<img class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/start_newyear_right4_6e0bda02ff.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T04:32:34.856Z" />

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by MAMATA VENKAT</h4>
<hr>

Start the new year right

<h4>MAMATA VENKAT mourns the devastating effect of the virus in New York City, yet is completely moved by the way we are all stepping up and taking care of each other. It is showing us what we take for granted, and how much we value the simple things in life.</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
I’ll be completely honest. I stared at a blank Word document for a long time as I tried to compose my thoughts to write this. How can anyone even begin to describe the way the world feels right now? The coronavirus has robbed all of us of any semblance of normalcy. The majority of us are now indefinitely locked down in our homes, while our brave healthcare researchers and workers, including my incredible parents and the majority of my family, risk their lives day in and day out to do their normal day jobs and also treat the overwhelming wave of patients battling the coronavirus, and also frantically solidify a cure to end what has to be the most challenging era of fear and uncertainty that most of us have ever faced.
Sometimes I feel like we are living in a dystopian novel, trapped in an alternate universe without an exit route. Each day, the news becomes increasingly darker and ambiguous, not providing us with any relief of when this situation might end as each country takes every measure possible to curb the spread of this virus. Colleges and universities have moved online for the rest of the year; malls and movie theatres are shut down indefinitely. Business after business takes hit after hit. And social distancing has made many of us feel lonelier than ever: friends and family can only see one another over video chat, if at all, increasing anxiety and depression rates as people get the call to self-isolate and work from home.
My beautiful New York City is currently the epicenter of what feels like a bio-war. Doctors and nurses live away from their families as they work themselves to the bone; hospital beds are running out so fast that the lush green lawns of Central Park are now dotted with white medical tents so healthcare facilities can have more treatment centers for patients; and Times Square, with all of its Broadway shows closed indefinitely and its people-less lanes, is the quietest it has ever been. I don’t know when my home is every going to feel like home again.
This virus has been a rude awakening of all of the things I take for granted: the simplicity of going to the grocery store; taking the Subway to visit my best friend; going to concerts; hugging my mom. I recognize my privilege during this time: I am lucky enough to be safely nestled at home with my family, to be able to work from home, and to take walks and get fresh air when I need it. So many of us aren’t so lucky.
Many of our friends, family members, neighbors, acquaintances, and even enemies and strangers are struggling right now. People have lost jobs, lost homes, and heartbreakingly lost loved ones. Self-quarantine and social distancing have literally uprooted so many lives. But in a time when all of us could theoretically only be looking out for ourselves, I am completely moved by the way we are stepping up for one another.
I was scrolling through Twitter the other day when I read a tweet that at first absolutely broke my heart, but then filled me with so much joy and hope. A man was celebrating his 67th birthday, but because of the coronavirus he was forced to isolate and celebrate alone. When he posted on Twitter asking for a few birthday wishes, the world stepped up, not only showering him with well-wishes and happy returns, but also asking him for his address so that they could send him birthday cards and balloons and treats so that he didn’t have to celebrate by himself. I burst into tears when I read the responses to this man’s tweet.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">In a time in when the majority of us 
cannot be together physically, 
the global community has come together 
to say that ‘together’ is exactly what we need to be.</h5>
<hr>
There have been so many other wonderful moments of kindness, community, and generosity just like this one. People are sewing masks and personal protective equipment for the doctors, nurses, and medical professionals who are risking their lives on the frontline every day to fight the virus. Communities are supporting their local small businesses and restaurants, and those restaurants are turning into grocery stores in order to provide food for people who are struggling financially. CEOs and other business heads are cutting their salaries in half or more to ensure that their employees can keep working.
I have seen people express their grief over losing their job on social media, only to have hundreds of people immediately respond to them with temporary job opportunities to help them pay the bills. Health and wellness businesses have moved their operations online, allowing people to take classes online for free or at discounted rates.
Friends and family members are reaching out to one another to check in so that people feel a little less alone. People are standing out on their balconies applauding our healthcare workers, or singing with one another, creating irrevocable bonds with strangers they probably never thought they’d meet.
We are all directly impacted by the spread of this virus, and yet, we are all stepping up and taking care of one another. These moments of positivity, these sweet acts of kindness, stand out to me more than any grim statistic or news piece. In a time in when the majority of us cannot be together physically, the global community has come together to say that ‘together’ is exactly what we need to be.
<hr class="vertical-space1">
<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by MAMATA VENKAT 
Illustrations by JASMEE RATHOD</h4>
<hr>

Together is exactly what we need to be

<h4>MAMATA VENKAT has learnt a lot about herself from playing tennis. Especially, it has taught her to let go of imperfections and move forward in a healthy way towards continuous improvement in all aspects of life.</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
I was twelve years old the first time I stepped onto a tennis court, reluctantly encouraged by both my mom and my cousin to take up the sport as a way to strengthen my college eligibility and build my stamina, and also face my aversion of trying new things.
Fun fact: I’m not good at trying new things.
I was skeptical, stubborn, and totally terrified as I walked onto the court for the first time, gripping my dad’s dinky old Head racket in my right hand and my water bottle in the other. And when coach Kent smacked that first ball at me and my return shot embarrassingly soared way over to the other side of the court, I became even more determined to hate tennis and prove that my mom and cousin were wrong.
Spoiler alert: I fell in love with tennis.
Tennis carried me through my teenage years, giving me a sense of confidence that came from feeling strong. When I started playing high school tennis, it also fostered a camaraderie amongst girls my age during a period when we wrongly thought we needed to compete with one another. And I just loved being on the court. I loved inhaling the smell of brand new tennis balls, hearing the sound of the racket smacking a forehand or a volley across the net. I loved the feel of my feet zigzagging across the court as I moved to hit my opponent’s spinserve, the high-fives that my doubles partner and I would share when we won game, set, match. To this day, a tennis court always feels like home.
But I had one major problem on the court: I had trouble letting go.
Raise your hand if you’re really hard on yourself. So it’s not just me, right? Okay, good.
Consistency is key when playing tennis – after all, it’s the only way to keep a match going, to challenge your opponent and wear them down enough that you might have a shot (no pun intended) at winning the point. For the most part I was good at being consistent. But there were also many moments when I’d miss a serve, hit the ball into the net, smack a shot out, or just plain miss the ball completely. And of course, I had to move on to the next shot, while my mind was focused on the error I had made. Mentally, I would beat myself up, wondering why that shot hadn’t been perfect, or why I still wasn’t a good tennis player after all these years. And immediately, my performance would decline. As a (mostly) doubles player, that mentality not only affected my game, but also my partner’s, who had to spend her energy lifting me up and picking up my slack because I was having trouble recovering.
And here’s the thing: I would do this in nearly every area of my life! Whether I made an innocuous error at work, said something that unintentionally hurt a friend or family member, or missed a shot on the court, all I did was hold on to that ‘mistake’, which kept me stuck in my head, filled me with anxiety, and ultimately made it very difficult for me to move forward. It has only been in the last year that I have learned to cut myself some slack. But I still have days when I allow myself to worry too much, even though I know I haven’t done anything wrong.
I’ve done some digging in the last couple of years to try and understand why I’m so hard on myself. I realized that it is because I expect nothing less than perfection from myself in everything. The problem with setting such high expectations is that, more often than not, I and the people around me will end up disappointed.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">I’m human. I’m going to make mistakes. 
The more I recognize that and give myself grace, 
the healthier my relationship is with myself, 
and the stronger my relationships are 
with the people I care about the most.</h5>
<hr>
To help me overcome this problem on the court, my mom would remind me of how Maria Sharapova handled blunders. She would walk behind the baseline, adjust her racket strings, tuck her hair behind her ears, then walk back to the baseline with renewed resolve. She left her mistake behind the baseline and kept moving.
“And that,” my mom would say to me, “is the only way you’re going to win.”
Applying that mentality improved my tennis game significantly, but it’s also a metaphor that is relevant to all aspects of life as I work on not being so hard on myself. I can already see vast improvements. But I’m human. I’m going to make mistakes. I am not always going to be the perfect person, daughter, sister, best friend, acquaintance, worker, or meditator. The more I recognize that and give myself grace, the healthier my relationship is with myself, and the stronger my relationships are with the people I care about the most.
All of us are doing our best, but giving ourselves grace even when we slip really helps. Let’s keep lifting one another up.
<img class="has-img-center lazyload" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/baseline2_22d2cb78b5.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T07:30:53.503Z"/>

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by MAMATA VENKAT</h4>
<hr>

Leave it behind the baseline

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h4>
 MAMATA VENKAT SUBRAMANYAM explains how heart-based meditative practices have helped her turn feeling
 lonely into savoring alone time.
</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 If you’re a Taylor Swift fan, a Swiftie, as I am unashamedly proud to be, then
 you can relate to the feeling of hearing her songs and knowing she
 just&nbsp;gets it. The opening notes of a song draw you in like a kid
 in a candy store, the lyrics hit and, “BAM.” Sugar rush. Somebody, something,
 is finally able to put words to the hodgepodge mess of feelings clouding up
 your brain. And she does so to a tune that becomes irrevocably tattooed into
 your synapses, rendering you a little annoyed, yes, but mostly (and most
 importantly)&nbsp;seen.&nbsp;


 I have had many of these revelatory moments with Taylor Swift songs. In
 general, music can be cathartic, and artists like Swift who are very
 lyric-driven can provide us with camaraderie in those deep, dark moments when
 we feel like no one else can understand what we’re going through. In other
 words, those moments of loneliness.&nbsp;


 I have often felt lonely throughout my thirty years of existence. I feel so
 grateful to be surrounded by wonderful friends and family, but, like many of
 us, I have experienced that deep, longing sensation of something missing. I
 can be in a room filled with people and still feel alone. My experiences with
 depression and anxiety have often put me in states of self-isolation, and I am
 guilty of being so reliant on figures and concepts outside of my own intuition
 that when those external reliances aren’t steady or accessible, I lose my
 grounding. I’m not sure how to function without them.


 These are very real understandings that have emerged over the last several
 months as I continue to encourage myself to do the inner work and really grow
 into my individual. Through these realizations have come many truths, but as I
 listened to a new Swift song called, “You’re On Your Own, Kid,” one truth
 became glaringly visible.

The ending lyrics punched me the hardest:

 You’re on your own, kid Yeah, you can face this You’re on your own,
 kid You always have been.


 I realized that I didn’t know how to&nbsp;be&nbsp;with myself. And in
 order to create happiness, it was important that I learned how.&nbsp;


 There are a number of psychological reasons why I struggle with being with
 myself. What I have come to understand now is that feelings of loneliness
 persist because I have not been treating myself as a friend. I haven’t engaged
 with myself with curiosity to understand my likes and dislikes, to feel out my
 interests, to do work beyond the surface to understood who I truly was. I have
 become so used to allowing others to dictate my direction that I don’t know
 how to lead myself.&nbsp;


 The reality is this: while we are surrounded by friends, family,
 acquaintances, even enemies, the only constant in our lives is ourselves. And
 the best way to combat feelings of loneliness is to spend intentional time
 becoming friends with ourselves, the way we would with anyone close to
 us.&nbsp;


 There are several things I have been doing recently to create this inner
 friendship – journaling, reading more books, diving into concepts that had
 peripherally piqued my interest – but it’s really been meditation that has
 helped me the most in turning feeling lonely into enjoyment of alone
 time.&nbsp;


 Heartfulness meditation is a really lovely way to build that inner friendship,
 because the focus is meditation on the energy of the heart. Our hearts are our
 seats of intuition; it’s where our inner voice resides. That inner voice often
 becomes clouded by the illusions of our thoughts, created by stress, anxiety,
 the expectations we set for ourselves, the voices of other people, and other
 complexities. When we don’t regulate those thoughts, those illusions become
 our reality, and that reality often leaves us feeling out of control and, yes,
 lonely.&nbsp;

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<hr />
<h4 class="text-center">
 Heartfulness meditation is a really lovely way to build that inner
 friendship, because the focus is meditation on the energy of the heart.
</h4>
<hr />
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 How do we avoid that illusion-driven reality? By consistently tuning into
 our heart and listening to it. The more time we spend with our inner
 intuition, the more we get to know ourselves. The more we get to know
 ourselves, the stronger our relationship with ourselves becomes. And the
 stronger that relationship becomes, the less lonely we feel.&nbsp;


 So yes, you’re on your own, kid. But it doesn’t have to be lonely. Here are
 three simple Heartfulness techniques that you can adopt to strengthen your
 inner voice and, in turn, strengthen the relationship you have with yourself
 so alone time can become more enjoyable:&nbsp;

<h4>
 RELAXATION
</h4>

<figure>
 <img
 alt=""
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/relaxation_icon_18141781fe.jpg"
 />
</figure>


 What:&nbsp;A&nbsp;5 to 7 minute guided technique&nbsp;that
 releases tension and relaxes each part of your body.



 When:&nbsp;This guided relaxation technique can be done
 right&nbsp;before&nbsp;you meditate, or in moments when your body is feeling
 tense or anxious. If you are having trouble sleeping, you can also lie down
 and walk through this technique, relaxing each part of your body until you
 feel yourself falling asleep.



 How:&nbsp;Try it with&nbsp;<a
 href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmwqL34FCjA"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noreferrer noopener"
 >this guided video</a
 >.


<hr />

<h4>
 MEDITATION
</h4>

<figure>
 <img
 decoding="async"
 width="169"
 height="165"
 alt=""
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/meditation_icon_54b5fe73c9.jpg"
 />
</figure>


 What:&nbsp;A simple suggestion to become absorbed in the
 light in your heart.



 When:&nbsp;Ideally, first thing in the morning for 10 to 30
 minutes before you start your day. It can also be done at any other time.



 How:&nbsp;To&nbsp;<a
 href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDClb-yjNdQ"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noreferrer noopener"
 >meditate on the light in the heart</a
 >, try it with this guided video.



 If you find your mind drifting to other thoughts, treat them as if they are
 clouds passing in the sky, witnessing them but simply letting them pass. To
 learn how to manage those thoughts, check out the next section, Cleaning.


<hr />

<h4>
 CLEANING
</h4>

<figure>
 <img
 decoding="async"
 width="169"
 height="165"
 alt=""
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/cleaning_icon_01c281a225.jpg"
 />
</figure>


 What:&nbsp;An active technique of letting go of complexities,
 impurities, and any negativities that build up over time. This technique is
 beneficial for reducing thoughts during meditation, for minimizing anxiety and
 stress, and for eliminating those pesky thoughts that often plague us before
 we fall asleep (no more counting sheep!).



 When:&nbsp;Cleaning is generally done at the end of the day’s
 work for 10 to 30minutes,as a way to release the mental and emotional weight
 of the day.



 How:&nbsp;To try this&nbsp;<a
 href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrgqTUIu_Qs"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noreferrer noopener"
 >cleaning technique</a
 >, follow the instructions in the guided video.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="text-center">Illustrations by LAKSHMI GADDAM</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

You’re on your own, kid

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MALLIKA REDDY is the Founder of Canceled Plans, a sustainable clothing line and top podcast in India. In one episode with MAMATA SUBRAMANYAM, the two of them discuss the importance of mental wellness, tools to strengthen mental fitness, and the importance of taking responsibility for your own light.</h4>Q: Hi Mamata, a while back, you were on a one-way path to becoming a doctor (your family is full of medical professionals), but that didn’t happen. It was a canceled plan.&nbsp;MS: Yeah, that’s been my biggest canceled plan, because for so long that was the one-way trajectory I was on. Everyone thought I was going to be a doctor. I thought I was going to be a doctor, even though I didn’t want to be one. Halfway through college, I wasn’t doing well in pre-med classes, and it was not because I didn’t have the interest or the intelligence to do well. My own mental health issues plus not being naturally good at those subjects was a combination for disaster.I’m grateful to my mom, who saw me struggling and saw that it wasn’t what I wanted to do. She said, “Okay, maybe you should try something different.” There were a lot of disappointed people, including me, as it was who I thought I was supposed to be for a long time. That vision was molded by so many people, and it was all I knew as my identity. I still struggle, because it derailed everything.Q: That couldn’t have been easy. How did you navigate that decision? You said you were struggling with mental health back then.&nbsp;MS: As a child raised in the U.S. with immigrant parents, there is a part of me that is built to become my parents' dreams. That is not at all a knock against immigrant parents in the U.S. with dreams, but it’s a lot of pressure on them and their kids. We’re finally getting to a place where society has language for it. Back then, I was so compliant, and even the idea of stepping out of that shell was terrifying, because it had been an unsafe comfort zone for so long.I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life. I now know that a lot of that anxiety has to do with the people pleasing mentality I have, whether because of things that happened to me as a child or because of my own inherent nature. If I don’t do what I think others want me to do, I feel myself internally collapsing, and that causes my anxiety levels to go through the roof. On top of that, I didn’t know a world outside of medicine. Even though I stepped into a degree I really loved, I didn’t know which direction to go, or who I was.<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/shining_inner_light2_2b633eb087.jpg"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life.&nbsp; I now know that a lot of that anxiety has to do with&nbsp; the people pleasing mentality I have,&nbsp; whether because of things that happened to me as a child&nbsp; or because of my own inherent nature.</h4><hr>Q: Thanks for sharing that so honestly with vulnerability. It is taken for granted how easily that comes out, but it’s hard to say when people are listening. You have clearly done a lot of inner work, because it shows in the kind of self-awareness you have when you speak.&nbsp;What has been your journey to make mental health a priority and take care of yourself? And how did meditation come into your life?&nbsp;MS: I started to really consider my mental health when I moved to New York in 2015. I didn’t have words for the intense panic attacks I had at work. There were a lot of things going on in my personal life, and it was reflecting at work. I went on big emotional rants to my friends about the feelings I was having. I really didn’t understand until recently that the reason I vented so much to my corner of trust was because I thought it would heal me. They would give me a solution, or this person or that relationship (no matter how toxic) would heal me.&nbsp;I didn’t realize what I know now, which is that even when someone else does the damage, the power was always mine to begin with. The light was always within me. Even though it is unfair that someone else or circumstances damaged me, there is something empowering about owning the responsibility to take back and strengthen the light. First it shines inwardly, then it can shine elsewhere. It’s actually taken me until this year, until marriage, to realize that.&nbsp;When someone breaks an arm, hits their head, or cuts themselves, it is okay for them to talk about it over and over again. But if you say, “I feel anxious,” or “I’m dealing with depression,” everybody cringes. They can listen for a few minutes, but then it’s too much.&nbsp;After getting myself out of some really unhealthy spaces, I knew I had the tool of meditation, which I’d taken for granted. I was born and raised in the Heartfulness meditation tradition, and I always knew it was going to be a cornerstone in my life, but I didn’t use it the way I could have.&nbsp;Once I hit rock bottom, though, I knew that to take care of myself I had to practice what I was preaching. I needed to apply the meditation practice to myself before teaching it to others (I became a trainer in 2015). So, taking care of my mental health in combination with meditation became critical to me.So many people have said to me, “You talk too much about your anxiety,” “You talk too much about your mental health.” It affected me so much that I almost stopped talking about it. But if I stop talking about something that needs to be talked about, that’s one less person to advocate. I sound annoying and sometimes I’m on a soapbox, but it’s something that needs to be advocated for.I recognize the privilege of all of this; of being in a position to potentially be a doctor, having the support of my parents, etc. But, despite the privilege, I’ve learned that it’s okay to struggle and be figuring myself out, especially if what’s going on in my head isn’t aligning with what needs to be. &nbsp;Q: What advice do you have for someone who is struggling with mental health, with anxiety, with being in the world?&nbsp;&nbsp;MS: Something that drives me nuts is when a friend, a loved one, or anybody says, “Oh, it’ll all work out,” or “It’ll just be fine,” or “Everything happens for a reason,” when I express how I feel. Those things might be true, but it doesn’t stop the stress, the frustration, or the loneliness in the moment. While your experiences with breakdowns and rock bottoms may be different from someone else’s, your feelings are valid. It is terrifying and lonely, and very few people really understand what you are going through.&nbsp;But one person is always going to understand, and that’s you! The best lesson I’ve learned this last year is to show up for myself. You are your own friend. The same way you show up for anyone else, you must show up for yourself. The beauty in that is you return back to your own light that has always been there; you just have to remind yourself of that.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">The best lesson I’ve learned this last year is to show up for myself.&nbsp; The same way you show up for anyone else,&nbsp; you must show up for yourself.&nbsp; The beauty in that is you return back to your own light&nbsp; that has always been there;&nbsp; you just have to remind yourself of that.</h4><hr>Help for everyone looks different. I did therapy for a long time and it really made a difference, and journaling, going for walks, and meditation have helped me, but they might not be for everyone. So, find the things that you like. Be willing to do the work. Be willing to set promises for yourself and keep them, because the only person who’s going to suffer otherwise is yourself.&nbsp;There are many days that are hard; it can be hard even to get out of bed and function. Those things are valid, too. On those days, keep at least one small promise to yourself, whether it’s making a cup of tea, writing in your journal, or going for a walk. Find a way every day to stay connected to yourself.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/shining_inner_light3_d3f54ea387.jpg"> Q: That’s great advice, thank you. It’s going to help a lot of people understand what their options are, and the little things they can do to get started.To listen to the full episode, visit <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/772Ab2SsGdM2nWR2BFbZis?si=c7d8b4d0ec564050">https://open.spotify.com/episode/772Ab2SsGdM2nWR2BFbZis?si=c7d8b4d0ec564050</a><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Illustrations by LAKSHMI GADDAM</h4><hr>&nbsp;

Shining your inner light

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MAMATA SUBRAMANYAM reflects on her own processes of change, and realizes that there is an easier way to move forward-one that doesn’t involve self-recrimination and instant gratification. She explores incremental change, minute by minute, embracing the messy process that goes with it, and sets herself a brighter vision for how to live her life.</h4>&nbsp;I have big, lofty dreams of whom I believe I can be.I constantly envision myself as a bright, confident, perfectly-coiffed woman in imaginary high heels (I’m only 5’2) who walks with intention and speaks with humility, who has no flaws and no insecurities, and is loved by everyone.In my head, I am the ideal career woman who works her behind off, who aces every project, who never runs out of steam. In my head, I will be a boss lady like my mother, make witty jokes like my brother, get stuff done at the same pace my dad does. In my head, I am the perfect wife my husband will never regret choosing, the one who is always balanced and never stressed, the one who makes him laugh and makes all of his hard moments easy. The one who does everything so perfectly that he can’t help but brag as I sit on the pedestal we built together.In my head, I am the best, best friend; the one who always says the right thing, sends the right gifts, makes everyone feel the most seen, valued, and appreciated. I imagine myself as the light everyone gravitates to, the one who can be everyone’s everything, the one who never makes a single mistake, the one who can do no wrong.But that bubble of a fantasy easily bursts when I see the dozens of unread emails with unmet deadlines sitting in my inbox, the blue notifications of text messages I have yet to respond to from friends, who are probably wondering if they did something to make me mad (you didn’t).I have saved lists of recipes I tell myself I’m going to make, only to lose steam and yet again press “order” on my staple Chipotle meal. I don’t hold my own like my mother, I don’t make witty jokes like my brother, and I certainly don’t work the way my dad does. I have cried three times this week to my husband about my insecurities. Those insecurities put voices in my head that make me question if he is happy that he chose me.And I see her so clearly, the woman I know I can be. If only I could break the cycles of bad habits that hold me back, if only I could stop being complacent, if only I could stop being a ridiculously outdated version of me. My twenties are coming to an end, and every day I feel I have nothing to show for them.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Like any good, reliable mirror, the answer was right there in my reflection, just waiting for me to look close enough to find it: change is not a leap.</h4><hr>As I make the same mistakes over and over again, as I watch in furious envy as other people grow and change and accomplish and succeed, as I leave yet another to-do list unchecked, and though I know the ability to change is only in me, what do I find myself doing? I anxiously worry if I am well past my prime, if my thirties will be a knock-off version of my twenties, in which any success won’t be taken as seriously because I’m not as young anymore, if it’s actually too late for me to be anyone, anything.I keep making the same mistake of wanting to get from point A to point Now by trying to bypass the in-between. When it comes to bringing those dreams out of my head and into reality, I freeze. I get excited about doing the work, but become daunted about diving in, letting all my insecurities and complacencies get the better of me and talking me out of moving forward. I freeze.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:50%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/secret_to_change2_d8e3be705b.webp" alt="secret-to-change2.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_secret_to_change2_d8e3be705b.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_secret_to_change2_d8e3be705b.webp 450w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/secret_to_change2_d8e3be705b.webp 450w," sizes="100vw"></figure>&nbsp;And then I sit in a large self-made pool of self-pity and self-aware shame, mentally hurling envious anger at the people who have the courage to create their own destinies while being perfectly aware that I am fully capable of making my own dreams a reality, if only I weren’t so fearful or lazy.&nbsp; If only I weren’t in my own way.Today, as I shamefully walked away from another dream I knew I could have achieved, if only I had put in the work, I put a metaphorical mirror up to my heart and asked myself two hard, hard questions:What is stopping me from changing?&nbsp; And what can stop me from ever asking myself this question again?Like any good, reliable mirror, the answer was right there in my reflection, just waiting for me to look close enough to find it: change is not a leap. It cannot be a leap. Over time, change can be measured in leaps and bounds. But to get to that leap, to get to that bound, you first have to take it step-by-step.Change must happen minute by minute, otherwise I am setting myself up for failure. I can no longer expect that by simply making a thought suddenly I’ll change. I can no longer waste a single second. I have to be willing to put in the work to make it happen. Every self-encouraging thought, every forward action, every plugged-nose-closed-eyes deep dive in between point A and point Now must be done with the clear, firm intention of never going back. It must be done with the full bravery to see myself, flaws and all, with a determined acceptance that while those flaws will take time to fill and smooth, the result will be worth it.And it’s time that I recognize my strengths. If I really own the bright parts of me that shine brighter than my flaws, I can let the beauty of those bright parts fill and smooth out the cracks.To create change—real, hard, messy, good, positive, ever-evolving change—I have to be willing to wade through the in-between. I understand that now. I realize I have to do that work to unwind and rewind the in-between, otherwise I’m not really aiming for change: it’s a rustier, burned-out version of who I am now.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">We are complicated, creative, incredible, messy, broken, fixable, wonderful canvases that are subject to change, if we allow that change.</h4><hr>Change is minute by minute.We are complicated, creative, incredible, messy, broken, fixable, wonderful canvases that are subject to change, if we allow that change. It can be a hard ride, but I’m learning that change can be a fun rollercoaster.If we are willing to let it be.<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:50%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/secret_to_change3_723064ab82.webp" alt="secret-to-change3.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_secret_to_change3_723064ab82.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_secret_to_change3_723064ab82.webp 450w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/secret_to_change3_723064ab82.webp 450w," sizes="100vw"></figure>

Mamata Subramanyam

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