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Sriram Raghavendran

<spanundefined>My dear daughter,

 With instant communication, the art of letter writing is lost on today’s
 generation. Of course, there has not been much need for us to write letters
 to each other, save the year and a half when I was in London. We chose the
 easier path of just speaking on the phone, but in doing this, something is
 lost. The thoughtfulness that goes into a letter, the opportunity to reread
 the contents, savor and cherish the written word for the time to come, is
 something that instant communication can never offer. There for the moment
 and gone forever.


 When my father was leaving for Tanzania for a period of a year, he made a
 mere mention that we would write letters to each other. And we did, perhaps
 once in a couple of weeks. It taught me how to write letters. To articulate
 one’s thought in a cogent manner is not easy, and it is something that can
 never be achieved when we speak in the spur of the moment. I do hope that we
 will maintain this tradition when you go over to your college in the coming
 weeks.


 <spanundefined
 >Here, in the serene environment of a retreat center, I have been reflecting
 on many things. In such places of retreat, when one goes on a long walk,
 things become much clearer. I am going to try and pen my thoughts to you,
 and hope that it will be of value to you.


<hr />

<h5 style="text-align: center">
 On deeper reflection, I can only conclude that
 the lack of an external force or pressure
 to perform should be substituted
 by an inner urge to excel.
 External expectations should be
 replaced by our own expectations.
 
</h5>
<hr />

 In the last couple of days, I have been worrying as to how we have fared in
 our role as parents. Of course, there can be no certainty, and no one answer
 can satisfy – one can only feel their way to this answer. Have we allowed a
 misplaced sense of affection to cloud our emotions? It is said that love and
 discipline should go together. But I wonder <spanundefined
 >how to get the balance right? It is very much like those two taps, one for
 hot water and one for cold. Is it possible that we have turned down
 discipline and let in too much love? Of course, the other way could only
 have been worse. Let me try and communicate my reflections in this
 letter.


 <spanundefined
 >Einstein said, “Genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration.” There is no
 substitute for hard work. In today’s competitive world, it is fairly normal
 for parents to run rough-shod over their children, with success as the only
 measure of parenting. Of course, we have been blessed with better sense than
 that. The question is, what should substitute this external drive to
 success? On deeper reflection, I can only conclude that the lack of an
 external force or pressure to perform should be substituted by an inner urge
 to excel. External expectations should be replaced by our own expectations.
 Of course, when it comes to our own expectations, we call them goals. We
 need to set lofty goals for ourselves, and in striving to achieve that is a
 life well lived.


<hr />

<h5 style="text-align: center">
 How to inculcate self-discipline? We can push ourselves to the goal, but it
 becomes a tiresome exercise. Taking a genuine interest in reaching the goal
 does wonders, for it inspires us on our journey.
</h5>
<hr />

 I recall the scene where the Cheshire cat tells Alice in Wonderland, “It
 does not matter which way you go, you will get somewhere, as long as you
 walk long enough.” Without goals, we are lost. The best talent is wasted.
 The goal should be well thought out, particularly long term goals. It does
 not make sense to change direction every other day, for such a course
 guarantees hyperactivity with no outcome. But, do goals alone lead to
 success? Clearly not. One other ingredient is critical to the recipe, and
 that is discipline.


 The best form of discipline is one that stems from within. When I do
 something because I want to do it, it cannot go wrong. But external
 discipline, of which we see much in the world today, is only imposition, if
 not slavery. The moment the pressure is off, the person goes off course. How
 to inculcate self-discipline? We can push ourselves to the goal, but it
 becomes a tiresome exercise. Taking a genuine interest in reaching the goal
 does wonders, for it inspires us on our journey.



 <img
 class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/letter_mydaughter2_img_8a4420a057.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T11:27:39.578Z"
 alt="letter-mydaughter2"
 />



 As parents, we have taken our foot off the pedal when it comes to pushing
 you towards your goal, but have we failed to imbibe in you the inner
 discipline to work towards that goal? It is for you to ponder over this
 question, and not for me to guess. Discipline is hard to imbibe in today’s
 world, in which instant gratification is everywhere. How to remain focused
 on the long term goal, and choose that over the pleasures of the moment? How
 to prioritize the future over the moment? I do not know the answer, but I
 can only say that a person who lives for gratification in the moment does
 not get very far. Discipline is the difference between the mediocre and
 great. Of course, discipline does not mean that we do not have fun. It has
 to be a healthy mix of making our journey joyful, but never forgetting the
 goal itself.


<hr />

<h5 style="text-align: center">
 Discipline is the difference between the mediocre and great. Of course,
 discipline does not mean that we do not have fun. It has to be a healthy mix
 of making our journey joyful, but never forgetting the goal itself.
</h5>
<hr />


 These are my reflections, but it does not mean that I have mastered this
 art. I am disciplined in some things, but in many others I suffer from a
 lack of discipline. I recall a conversation with my uncle when I was in
 college, all of 19 years old. I had woken up that morning at 9:00 a.m. and
 was reading the newspaper with the toothbrush in my hand. He gave me a
 lecture on discipline, mentioning that no one ever became anything without
 it. He said, “Getting up early in the morning and having a routine that is
 driven by self-discipline is a basic ingredient to getting anywhere in
 life.” I scoffed at him, playfully argued with him, thinking that I knew
 better. After the passage of 26 years, I am still suffering the
 consequences. I have not given up, and am still working on this. In fact, I
 have told myself that if there is just one trait that I develop in the
 remaining part of my years, then, that will be to sleep on time and to get
 up on time. Buddha said that the chain of desire can be broken anywhere – I
 feel that self-discipline can be easily fixed by just one act – going to bed
 early, and many other things will automatically fall in place. I can only
 hope that you are wiser than me and will learn the rigor of self-discipline
 at a much earlier age that I do.


 <spanundefined
 >The innate abilities that we are born both with are a blessing. In some
 sense, we cannot claim them to be our own. It is a blessing that you have
 been born with so much talent, depth of understanding and a spirit of
 inquiry. Of course, you have also developed yourself in terms of attention
 to detail and diligence in doing a job. Going back to the point about
 inspiration and perspiration, I can only say that the perspiration is
 something that we can rightfully say is ours. And that comes with
 discipline.


 I find that when I speak on the spur of the moment, it does not come out
 properly, and even if it does, there is no receptivity on the other side.
 For both parties to have a cool and wise head in the heat of the moment is
 too much to ask for. I hope that I have been able to articulate what I
 wanted to say in this letter.


 Soon enough, you will be in a college, though we do not know which one yet.
 Irrespective of the outcome, this subject is of value, and hence my wish to
 write to you.
 


 <spanundefined
 >We are going to miss you terribly, but I guess that it is part of growing
 up. And I should grow up as well.


<hr />

<h4 style="text-align: center">Article by SRIRAM RAGHAVENDRAN</h4>
<hr />

Letter to my daughter

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4
 class="block-heading"
 id="h-sriram-raghavendran-shares-some-wise-words-and-personal-experience-of-managing-peer-pressure-when-he-was-at-college"
>
 SRIRAM RAGHAVENDRAN
 shares some wise words and personal experience of managing peer pressure
 when he was at college.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 There is this beautiful story of two men sawing a large log of wood. As they
 sat on the shores of a river, one man on each side of this log, pushing and
 pulling at the saw for a long time, for the log was a large one. A
 passer-by stopped to watch what was going on, observed for several minutes,
 and suggested, “You know, if I may say so, I think your saw is blunt. Why
 don’t you take a few minutes to sharpen it?” The men looked up at the
 onlooker with incredulity and said, “Can’t you see how much work we have? How
 can we afford to take time off?”



 Life today is increasingly demanding. The pressures of our environment
 relentlessly bear down upon us, but do they have the same effect on everyone?
 Why is it that one person buckles under pressure, whereas another copes
 well?&nbsp; It is a moot point.



 Strain is what a given environment imposes, but stress is what is felt by the
 individual. For the same level of strain, one person handles it with aplomb,
 whereas another is completely stressed out. The environment is the same, the
 levels of strain are the same, but one person is better equipped to deal with
 it. How to develop this inner ability? The answer is simple – sharpen your
 saw!



 There are several tools we can use, namely, the body, the intellect, the mind,
 and the heart, amongst others. Exercise takes care of training the body, and
 education takes care of training the intellect, but what about the mind and
 the heart? When the mind is trained and develops the ability to focus, it’s
 functioning becomes regulated; and when the heart opens and is able to
 intuitively feel its way through situations, we become more equipped to deal
 with our lives. This is precisely the role of meditation – to regulate the
 mind and open the heart. Not that the strain becomes any less, but we have now
 enhanced our abilities so that we do not feel as stressed anymore.



 This is the beautiful path that spirituality beckons us towards. Change
 yourself, and your experience of the world changes forever.



 I had the good fortune of starting meditation at the age of sixteen. I had
 just finished school, and was about to step into college, out of the protected
 environment of my home, and into the big wide world where I had to fend for
 myself.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="block-heading has-text-align-center">
 I decided to live my life by my rules to be in control of my own destiny. And this piece of wisdom has guided me at every stage of my life.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Settling down to life in a student hostel, with two room-mates in an extra
 small room, was not easy. But what made it more challenging was the ridicule I
 drew from one and all when I would meditate in that rather hostile
 environment. I was the butt of their jokes. I would get angry, but what of it?
 It felt good to meditate, but I hardly had enough understanding to be able to
 discuss the subject or defend the act. And even if I had, my room-mates did
 not have the maturity to have a rational discussion on the subject.



 On the other hand, the hostel was an unrestricted environment, and all kinds
 of opportunities to develop negative habits presented themselves. Peer group
 pressure was building. To conform to various demands would mean that I would
 be accepted, “one of them,” whereas not to conform could mean that I would be
 an outcast. It was a significant strain, and I bore the brunt of this
 onslaught. So I was troubled on both sides – I invited ridicule by practicing
 meditation, and feared falling out with friends by not conforming to their
 demands.



 I have always had the habit of taking a very long walk when I am troubled.
 Solutions to the most difficult problems seem to present themselves when
 physical activity is combined with bodily strain, putting the mind at ease.
 What should I do? Risk being rejected by my friends? Give up my beliefs and
 convictions for the sake of being accepted by others?



 A peculiar image struck me during this long walk – I saw a dry leaf falling
 from a tree. It had no direction of its own, save the pulls and pushes of the
 wind. The message was very clear – if I were to lead my life by the rules of
 other people, I would be like that dry leaf, pushed hither and thither by the
 whims and fancies of every puff of breeze. That day, I decided to live my life
 by my rules to be in control of my own destiny. And this piece of wisdom has
 guided me at every stage of my life.



 Funnily enough, once my mind was made up, it was a wonder how soon the
 environment settled down. When my friends understood that I did not care if
 they accepted me, I was not left out. It was clear to my room-mates that I was
 not going to respond to their ridicule, so it stopped! This allowed me to
 discover yet another truth, “The easiest way to give up a habit is never to
 pick it up.”


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="block-heading has-text-align-center">
 Illustrations by VIRINAFLORA
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

Peer pressure

<h4>SRIRAM RAGHAVENDRAN shares a personal story of crisis, courage, and the clarity that gave him a solution in a life and death situation.</h4>My career took me to work in a paper mill in Africa for a year. The factory was in the middle of a dense forest, 750 kms from Dar es Salaam, the capital of Tanzania. The facility was self-sufficient, providing food and accommodation, and there was no need to step outside the premises. In fact, we were advised not to venture into the forest since it was full of wild beasts and considered dangerous. We all took this as a dictum and rarely ventured out; even when we did, we would never lose sight of the factory gate and return as quickly as possible.One evening, a friend and I were taking a stroll that took us to the factory gate. We walked outside and came to a small stream. Usually, we would have turned around and walked back, so perhaps it was the engaging conversation or the confidence in each other’s company that made us cross the stream without thinking. We walked a little on the other side of the stream, but when we looked back we realized we could no longer see the factory gate. It was the moment when alarm bells started to ring.“It is difficult to find your way back in a forest.” We had heard this a million times, but never really understood it. Now, we were experiencing it. We turned around and walked back, but could not locate the stream. Every tree looked just like the next one, and a few minutes later we were unsure if we were retracing out steps correctly. Conferring with each other made it clear that we were lost.Dusk was setting in, and we knew that in 30 minutes it would be pitch dark. With the chirping of the birds, the unrecognizable sounds of the forest grew louder in our ears. My friend was beginning to panic, and I felt a growing chill.I had been practicing Heartfulness for about 20 years at the time, and many times I had wondered what effect this daily practice of meditation had on me. The effect is so imperceptible that we sometimes assume it has no impact at all. Of course, there was no thought about the impact of meditation at that moment, only an awareness about my situation and my inner state. While I was experiencing anxiety at the conscious level, there was also a sense of calm within. I was worried but not flustered. I instinctively sat down to gather my thoughts, not furiously searching for a solution but quietly reflecting on what was to be done.Within a couple of minutes, the fog lifted. I looked around, found a suitable tree, and climbed it to a height of 25 feet. This additional height gave me the perspective to see the lights of the factory in a distance and locate the stream. In our attempts to walk back, we had strayed farther away from the path. With this clarity, it took us only a few minutes to reach the stream, cross it, and walk back to safety.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">As we practice meditation for years,&nbsp; we develop a sense of calm,&nbsp; the noise in the head tones down,&nbsp; and our inner strength grows,&nbsp; though we rarely perceive any of this amidst our busy lives.</h4><hr>I took a long silent walk alone that night (within the factory premises this time!), reflecting on what had happened that day. Though the drama had lasted less than 20 minutes, it felt so much longer. The gravity of the situation struck me. We had certainly faced a crisis, a moment of life and death.How do we act in these moments of desperation? Do we keep our heads or do we lose them? It depends very much on how we have prepared ourselves to deal with life. As we practice meditation for years, we develop a sense of calm, the noise in the head tones down, and our inner strength grows, though we rarely perceive any of this amidst our busy lives. The way I behaved that day, the depth of response, the resilience in keeping a cool head while facing a moment of truth, offered a revelation on the residual effect of meditation over the years.Each meditation is like depositing a penny every day in your piggy bank. You do not think about it but just keep doing it. Inevitably, you will come face to face with moments of crisis. You may worry and fret, and it will eat into you. If you have been diligent in contributing every day to your own piggy bank, you will open it to find a treasure inside, beyond your wildest dreams.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/perspective2_295109dd6b.jpg" alt="perspective2.jpg"><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL</h4><hr>&nbsp;

Perspective

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">SRIRAM RAGHAVENDRAN remembers a childhood incident that helped him understand how we perceive pain and suffering, and how we can unlock our potential.</h4>&nbsp;As a child, one activity I relished was to play with my friends on the street. This would typically occupy the entire evening, and I would return home well after dusk. The exact activities did not matter. That we did it together mattered.&nbsp;One such evening, when I was about twelve years of age, I fell down while playing with my friends. I immediately got up, brushed the dust off my clothes and continued running around. When I returned home two hours later, my mother stared at my legs and asked, “What happened?” I looked down and saw that my knee was badly scraped, blood had oozed out of the wound reaching my feet and had dried up as well.&nbsp;I recall clutching my leg to cry, for I could feel the throbbing pain in my knees. The injury seemed to come alive the moment I noticed it. The day passed, and I forgot all about this incident until a few years ago, when the memory popped up out of nowhere.&nbsp;When I reflected on this small, insignificant incident, several questions came up:&nbsp;Why did I not experience the pain while playing, after scraping my knee?&nbsp; Why should I feel the throbbing pain the moment I realized I had scraped my knee?&nbsp; Can there be pain without suffering? Can there be suffering without pain?This reflection led me to appreciate the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is what is there; suffering is what we consciously experience. On that evening, the pain must have been there from the moment I scraped my knee, but there was no suffering because I was not conscious of the pain. It is in the consciousness of the pain that we suffer.Physical pain, hardships, relationships, conflict: there are very many things that trouble us in life. There is no getting away from the pain these things cause. We need to pay attention to the issue causing the pain. But it seems that we can pay too much attention, or too little.&nbsp;Too little attention delays the resolution of the problem, extending the pain. On the contrary, the more we brood and obsess over a problem, the bigger it seems to get, blowing up the suffering. I sometimes end up making a problem so big that I find myself left with no energy to do any work. By moderating our attention and swinging into surgical action, the problem is solved quickly.Where attention goes, energy flows! Through our attention and attitude, we can make a mountain out of a mole hill or a mole hill out of a mountain.When someone inquired of Babuji (one of the Heartfulness guides) about his stomach ache, he replied, “Now that you have reminded me of my stomach ache, I can feel the pain!” It helps to focus on things that inspire us, elevate us, motivate us, to work on things that deliver tangible results, and moderate the level of attention given to the things that trouble us.One of my favorite quotes is, “Always look toward the light. For when we turn away from the light, we see our own shadow.”The key to reducing our suffering and unlocking our potential is the way we manage ourselves on the mental and emotional plane. A greater level of awareness to understand what we are going through, the agility of the mind to redirect attention, a developed will to swing us into action rather than brood, all make us productive, effective, and happy. These are some of the attributes I have developed through a regular and systematic practice of Heartfulness.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">AI generated image</h4><hr>

Sriram Raghavendran

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