Based in Dubai, Harpreet Kalra works in marketing and planning in the TV entertainment industry in the Middle East. For a while he has been interested in understanding the cognitive patterns of the human mind, and the science of meditation in achieving inner balance and harmony.

medium_harpreet-kalra-img.jpg

small_harpreet-kalra-img.jpg

thumbnail_harpreet-kalra-img.jpg

harpreet-kalra-img.jpg

Harpreet Kalra

<h4>HARPREET KALRA discusses the issue of victimization in the workplace, and his experience of what to do about it. How
 much responsibility are we willing to take to change these patterns?</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
It had been two months since I joined MCS Enterprises in their Strategy &amp; Planning department. I prepared the
 first draft of a financial model and submitted it to my boss Linda for her review. After a few hours, Linda called
 me to her room. “Did I ask you to make these assumptions?” she screamed. 
 “No,” I said softly. 
 “You are not at a level where you can make assumptions on your own,” scoffed Linda, walking out of the room.
Conversations like these were a regular affair for me: in corporate jargon, business as usual.
Micromanaging me, not giving me the creative liberty to think, unclear directions on how to go about a work task,
 harsh criticism, pretty much summed up my relationship with my boss at MCS.
“When do I leave this job?” “Should I resign straightaway?” “Do I have the money to pay my mortgage?” were some of
 the thoughts that flooded my mind as I drudged back towards my desk.
There are demanding bosses, there are difficult bosses, there are collaborative bosses, there are easy bosses, and
 then there are psychopaths. Research suggests that one in every five corporate bosses is a psychopath. I knew I was
 dealing with one at MCS.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">In some situations, I am the victim. 
 In some situations, I am the one victimizing others. 
 This is the reason I am suffering. 
 The very same tendencies in Linda that hurt me 
 are the ones present within me, although with different intensity.</h5>
<hr>
I believed most of my previous bosses were good, though they had a few traits that were unacceptable to me. After
 dealing with Linda, I indeed realized the goodness of my previous bosses. I would have gladly accepted all their
 unacceptable traits if I had had a chance.
I was in pain, and slowly my underlying thought pattern started to shift towards self pity: “Why me?” “I am being
 targeted,” “I am being victimized.” In a short span of time, I was habitually wearing the victim hat. SO I BELIEVED!

It had been a few months since I had started practicing meditation. One day, after my morning meditation, as I sat in
 a quiet contemplative mood, an inner voice within me echoed: “Every victim identity is a perpetrator of crime given
 the change in circumstances.” I could not fully comprehend my inner voice, so I wrote it in my daily diary and
 signed off. …

<hr class="vertical-space1">

<h4>Read the complete article in Volume 2, Issue 1 
 </h4>
<h4><a href="//www.heartfulnessmagazine.com/subscribe/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">SUBSCRIBE &amp; DOWNLOAD</a></h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1">

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by HARPREET KALRA</h4>
<hr>

Am I the victim or am I the one victimizing?

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 HARPREET KALRA explores what is beyond judgement.
</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 In mathematical calculus, the act of integration is done by reversing
 the act of differentiation. If we apply the same principle to ‘one
 world, one humanity’, then it is easier to integrate humanity by not
 differentiating. So, how can we avoid differentiating ourselves from
 others?


 Isn’t judging someone the greatest act of differentiation? Judging
 instantly sets us apart from the other person. Ten minutes into a
 conversation with a new person and we are done with the person. Either
 consciously or unconsciously, we have labeled and objectified the
 person. But does judgement alone lead to differentiation, or do we do
 something more to set ourselves apart?


 When we judge, our frame of reference is never absolute, it is
 comparative. “He is intelligent” is in comparison to myself or to
 someone else. The reason we judge others is to evaluate where we stand
 in comparison to the person we are judging. Then, based on our judgment,
 we act; rather we react. If we perceive ourselves to be superior we
 discard the other person. If we perceive ourselves to be inferior we try
 to impress the&nbsp;other person. On most occasions this is how we act.
 At the heart of judging lies our latent desire to establish a sense of
 superiority over others.

<hr />
<h5 style="text-align: center">
 The reason we&nbsp;judge others 
 is to evaluate&nbsp;where we stand 
 in comparison to&nbsp;the person 
 we are&nbsp;judging.
</h5>
<hr />

 So the question is: ‘Why would we stop judging?’ After all, isn’t the
 perception of being superior a reality in our minds? It gives our ego a
 boost, and even more, a sense of survival. The ego loves to do it. So
 why would it behave in any other way? Perhaps if it could be convinced
 that there is no merit in judging, because this judgment-based
 differentiated reality in our head is all an illusion.


 Someone who is good at soccer thinks he is superior to others until he
 has to play with Lionel Messi! Someone who has a flourishing business
 thinks he is superior to others because of the wealth he has amassed
 until he compares himself with Bill Gates.


 In any comparison and external benchmark, be it wealth, beauty,
 intelligence or wit, we will probably fall short compared to someone,
 but often we choose to look only at those who are not as good as us. We
 are happy being a big frog in a small pond, and herein lies a great
 danger.


 When we fall short in comparison with someone else, automatically,
 without any effort on our part, we feel inferior. We become either
 aggressive or defensive, either oppressive or a victim, either sad or
 happy. And this gives rise to perhaps the greatest bane of our life –
 the dual nature of our mind.

<hr />
<h5>
 We can only achieve human integration 
 if each one of us feels oneness with others. 
 How will we feel this oneness 
 if we are still stuck in prejudice and duality?
</h5>
<hr />

 With time and repeat exposure, our tendency to judge strengthens and
 solidifies. Like a wound up coil or a keyed toy, the mind goes into an
 auto mode of judging, and starts operating on its own. Lo! We are stuck
 in duality. On so many occasions, we judge without wanting to judge. It
 is beyond our control.


 <img alt="the-art-of-not-judging" width="446" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_art_of_not_judging_img2_c1794667e9.jpg?updated_at=2023-03-31T06:55:11.792Z" />


 So what is the harm in living in duality?


 The harm is that duality is divorced from reality, and only reality can
 perceive reality. We can only achieve human integration if each one of
 us feels oneness with others. How will we feel this oneness if we are
 still stuck in prejudice and duality?


 Fundamentally, we all are from the same source, and hence all the same.
 Even in our outer problems and aspirations we are the same – behavior of
 our spouse, children’s future, health, attitude of the boss at work,
 business expansion, investment returns, spiritual pursuits etc. Our
 desire for a comfortable and happy life is generally the fulcrum of
 everything about our lives.

<hr />
<h5 style="text-align: center">
 All judgements are rooted in past experience 
 – either our own experience or that of others, 
 from which we learn.
</h5>
<hr />

 So if we want to move towards human integration, what do we need to do?
 Stop judging! In fact, doesn’t change in any sphere of our life only
 involve the washing away of just one or two dominant tendencies of the
 mind?


 How do we do that? By fully directing the mind into something that is
 not conditioned by time. After all, all judgements are rooted in past
 experience – either our own experience or that of others, from which we
 learn.


 It is the heart that is the most qualified candidate for our attention.
 If we are true connoisseurs of beauty, only the heart is worth looking
 at. Connected to the Ultimate Being, the magnificence of its splendor
 shines through in whatever form it takes – a loving heart, a joyful
 heart, a courageous heart, a soft heart or an angry heart. Everything
 about it is real. Even if it is a jealous heart, the jealousy is real;
 there is nothing false about it. No hypocrisy. The heart is always
 right.

<hr />
<h5 style="text-align: center">Article by HARPREET KALRA</h5>
<hr />

The Art of Not Judging

<h5>HARPREET KALRA had the job opportunity of a lifetime, but turned it down because his heart said no.</h5>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
The job offer looked promising – an established brand, a healthy pay packet, a great
 role profile, and the location base of my favourite city, Mumbai. I should have grabbed the job straight away. It
 was a golden opportunity, and opportunities should not go begging, I was told. Yet, I was dillydallying in my
 decision. So, what was stopping me from taking up the job, against all odds of a favourable rationale premise?
I was feeling very deeply to say no. Something within me wanted to let go of this
 opportunity; inner guidance, the heart’s voice, a sixth sense, a gut feeling, whatever you want to call it. I prefer
 to call it intuition, my heart’s voice.
My father always says, “When in doubt, refer to the heart.&nbsp; The heart is always right.” For a change, I paid
 heed to my father’s words and refused the job offer. Three months down the line, in a hostile takeover by a
 competitor, all the company staff was laid off. Backing my intuition had paid off.
I believe that intuition can see what the mind cannot see. This is because the mind’s
 vision is myopic, as it is conditioned by space and time. Also, the mind relies on the five senses, which have their
 own limitations. For example, as human beings we can hear only those sounds that fall in a particular audio range,
 which the ears can catch. If the sound is outside that range it is inaudible to our ears. It does not mean, however,
 that the sound does not exist.
<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Something&nbsp; within me wanted to let go of this opportunity; 
 inner guidance, the heart’s voice, a sixth sense, 
 a gut feeling, whatever you want to call it. 
 I prefer to call it intuition, 
 my heart’s voice.</h4>
<hr>
On the other hand, the heart can see through and through. Connected to the infinite
 Being, it is the seat of Divinity. Neither conditioned by time nor by space, it can see things from a higher ground.
 The magnificence of the heart’s splendour shines through in whatever form it takes.
So, if intuitive decision-making can help us, the question is, “How can we develop
 intuition?” I believe, through practice. By trusting the heart and listening to it more and more. When we are having
 a conversation with someone, the more attentively the person listens to us, the happier we are to continue
 conversing with him. Isn’t it? Similarly, if we are willing to listen to the heart, the heart will be more than
 happy to speak to us. This has been my experience.
Here comes the challenge. Often, however, the heart is not able to be heard, as we have
 been overpowered by the monkey mind, jumping from one branch of thought to another. It just doesn’t stop. It is in
 overdrive mode. We have become so addicted to the mental chattering and noise that the voice of inner silence scares
 us.
So, how can we increase the capability to listen to the heart? I believe, by clearing up
 the mess in the head; washing away the clutter of the mind. How to do that? Through meditation. For thousands of
 years, meditation has been one of the most effective techniques to help us regulate our minds. No wonder,
 increasingly, worldwide, meditation is helping people find inner joy, balance and everlasting change in their lives.

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by HARPREET KALRA</h4>
<hr>

Are We Intuitive Enough?

<h4>HARPREET KALRA discusses the issue of victimization in the workplace, and his experience of what to do about it. How much responsibility are we willing to take to change these patterns?</h4>It had been two months since I joined MCS Enterprises in their Strategy &amp; Planning department. I prepared the first draft of a financial model and submitted it to my boss Linda for her review. After a few hours, Linda called me to her room. “Did I ask you to make these assumptions?” she screamed. “No,” I said softly. “You are not at a level where you can make assumptions on your own,” scoffed Linda, walking out of the room.Conversations like these were a regular affair for me: in corporate jargon, business as usual.Micromanaging me, not giving me the creative liberty to think, unclear directions on how to go about a work task, harsh criticism, pretty much summed up my relationship with my boss at MCS.“When do I leave this job?” “Should I resign straightaway?” “Do I have the money to pay my mortgage?” were some of the thoughts that flooded my mind as I drudged back towards my desk.There are demanding bosses, there are difficult bosses, there are collaborative bosses, there are easy bosses, and then there are psychopaths. Research suggests that one in every five corporate bosses is a psychopath. I knew I was dealing with one at MCS.I believed most of my previous bosses were good, though they had a few traits that were unacceptable to me. After dealing with Linda, I indeed realized the goodness of my previous bosses. I would have gladly accepted all their unacceptable traits if I had had a chance.I was in pain, and slowly my underlying thought pattern started to shift towards self pity: “Why me?” “I am being targeted,” “I am being victimized.” In a short span of time, I was habitually wearing the victim hat. SO I BELIEVED!It had been a few months since I had started practicing meditation. One day, after my morning meditation, as I sat in a quiet contemplative mood, an inner voice within me echoed: “Every victim identity is a perpetrator of crime given the change in circumstances.” I could not fully comprehend my inner voice. I wrote it in my daily diary and signed off.&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">In some situations, I am the victim.&nbsp; In some situations, I am the one victimizing others.&nbsp; This is the reason I am suffering.&nbsp; The very same tendencies in Linda that hurt me are the ones&nbsp; present within me, although with different intensity.</h4><hr>I had a business visit to Paris lined up to meet our new research agency team, so as soon as I reached the office, I went to meet Priya, who was our office manager. Priya took care of the administrative work of MCS and the logistics of the MCS staff. “Have my tickets to Paris not been booked yet?” I asked sternly, my tone admonishing Priya for not having done her work. “I am trying to get the best fares. Give me some time. I should be able to get your bookings done by tomorrow,” said a somber Priya. “Really?” I said sarcastically, with a dismissive look as I barged towards my desk.In the evening, as I drove home, the office conversation with Priya that morning played out in my mind – the somber tone of Priya and the disappointed look on her face. Just the way my tone and look was when I was with Linda. Soon, the essence of my inner voice from the morning seeped within.In some situations, I am the victim. In some situations, I am the one victimizing others. This is the reason I am suffering. The very same tendencies in Linda that hurt me are the ones present within me, although with different intensity. In fact, the trait of Linda that pinched me the most was the trait most strongly present within me.That morning, I could not comprehend my inner voice. Perhaps I did not want to comprehend it. After all, I had an ego, and how could my ego without resistance cherish the idea of believing that it was laced with the very same behavioral traits and tendencies it loathed in others?When we feel for others, when we sympathize with others, we would like to believe it is out of genuine compassion. Is it indeed compassion? Or is it the ego veiled under a garb?What happens when things improve at the victim’s end? The body language and behavior of the victim changes. The person becomes confident, assertive and happy. And this changes our perception of the other person.Earlier, we had labeled the person a victim. Now we label the same person as someone with a lot of attitude, who is high and mighty. Worse, we become absolutely intolerant of even his slightest off-the-track demeanor.The moment the ego realizes that the other person is no longer going through pain, the ego no longer identifies with the other person. Why?Because now it is no longer on the same plane as the other person. Which plane? The plane of pain. As unfortunate as it is, the above behavior is seen in our most intimate relationships. Hence, relationships rooted in sympathy suffer a painful ordeal.As I became aware of this harsh reality, it was a matter of time before it’s acceptance seeped into my system. That acceptance though has worked very well for my overall well-being. It has substantially reduced my behavior of swinging like a pendulum, swinging between the emotional extremes of affection – harshness, sympathy – criticism, sadness – joy, etc.A sense of balance and calmness has seeped in, although it is not yet the permanent state of being I would like to have.The awareness and acceptance which subsequently led to balance and calmness has not come without effort. Much of the effort has been directed towards being aware of my thoughts, my emotions, my behavior - when I am alone with myself, and when I am with others.In this pursuit of change and happiness, my strongest ally has been meditation. How has meditation helped? By untying the knots I have been tying for so long. What knots? The knots of ‘I am’ and ‘I am not’ reflected against the backdrop of ‘he/she is’ and ‘he /she is not’.I am smart, I am not a CEO yet, my child is not obedient, my spouse does not listen to me, my boss is not supportive, Mumbai is bad, I deserve a better job.The list can, perhaps, fathom the entire Universe.Why could I not untie these knots on my own without meditation?First, I did not want to untie them. These knots defined me, rather, I defined myself through these knots. Untying them meant I had to let go of a part of me, a part of who I believed I was.Second, and more important, to untie the knots,I should have known in the first place that these were knots. How to untie them was secondary. To me, these knots were so internal to my system that I believed it was normal to live with them.With meditation, as the hyperactivity of the mind quietened, a clearer view of my relationships emerged, with people, with work, with health, with success. The knots started becoming apparent, paving the way for understanding how I behave, more importantly, why I behave the way I do.The knot of victim identification discussed here is one of many knots.

Harpreet Kalra

Based in Dubai, Harpreet Kalra works in marketing and planning in the TV entertainment industry in the Middle East. For a while he has been interested in understanding the cognitive patterns of the human mind, and the science of meditation in achieving inner balance and harmony.

Explore