JUST THINKING AND FEELING
DR. ICHAK ADIZES challenges us to
reorganize our lives so that we are able to be in charge of how we spend
our time, and thus create balance and well-being. As he points out, it is
easier said than done! It requires a radical shift in our way of thinking
and working.
In my work as a consultant to top management, I come across the same
question over and over again: “Doctor Adizes, how do I balance my
professional career with my personal life? I am not just a corporate
leader, but also a spouse, a parent, and a community member. What do I do
when my work totally absorbs all of my time and my personal life
suffers?”
I hear this question mostly in countries experiencing rapid change.
Change causes problems. Problems call for solutions. Business solutions,
to be developed and implemented, consume lots of time and personal life
suffers.
In order to balance life, ask yourself, “What do I truly value the
most?”
People usually discover what is of value too late. On their death bed. Or
when they get sick.
Why? Because we recognize the most important things in life by their
absence.
You do not know the value of health until you get sick, the value of
democracy until you live in a dictatorship, the value of love until you do
not have it, or the value of living until you are dying.
We take for granted the most important things in life because we normally
have them. But not really. Health, democracy, and love are not static,
fixed. If not maintained, they deteriorate. With time passing, they do not
stay the same. There is nothing you need to do for love or health or
democracy to deteriorate. Just do nothing and they will diminish with time
on their own. Consider this metaphor: Build the best garden money can buy.
Do not do anything to this garden for two years. What happened to the
garden? It is the same with love, health, democracy, and thus the quality
of your life!
Just to maintain it, not to mention to enrich it, you need to dedicate
time.
Open your calendar and budget time. Like you budget money.
Budgeting time is more important than budgeting money
because time is absolutely fixed while money is not.
Here is what I suggest my clients to do: Open your calendar and budget
time. Like you budget money. Budgeting time is more important than
budgeting money because time is absolutely fixed while money is not. Every
hour and every minute that passes will not come back. Money might. Time
does not, and there is no bank of time where you can ask for time to be
loaned to you.
Usually, people spend time as pressurizing problems require, until they
have no time left for what they really want to do. It is the equivalent of
spending money without a budget as opportunities to spend arise, and then
being surprised when there is no money left for what they really need the
money for.
I believe we do not budget time because to really accept that time is
fixed is tantamount to accepting that we will die. We know we will, but we
do not want to look at the topic of death in the eye and accept it; it is
too scary. So, we spend time freely as if we will live forever.
You know the truth, so have courage and get to work. Budget your
time.
To help us budget time I am going to use my
PAEI model –
Producer, Administrator, Entrepreneur, Integrator:
First, realize what most people do wrong: They usually spend their time
on P first, because it is a short-term focused role and
the immediate needs always take precedence over what needs to be done
later or in the long run.
If you are going to balance your life, you need to change
and address what is really of value to you.
Since success is from the inside out
and not from the outside in.
Next, people’s focus turns to
A, taking care of the details of paying bills, answering emails or
inquiries, etc. Another short-term focus. Unless you are the
entrepreneurial or creative type,
E is attended to if
time is left, usually when it robs us of sleep, or we are on
vacation. I gets
attention during a crisis: If our spouse threatens us with divorce,
someone in the family gets sick, or children are abusing drugs, for
example.
If you are going to balance your life, you need to change and address
what is really of value to you. Since success is from the inside out and
not from the outside in, I suggest:
I should be
first,
E second,
A third, and
P should be the last.
If you handle the long term issues right, the short term problems down
the road can be proactively prevented.
Let us begin with
I.
Your first priority is time for yourself, like exercise, practicing Yoga,
meditation, reading a book, playing some music, and maybe having some time
to do nothing whatsoever. Just contemplate your navel. This will remove
the need for late night insomnia.
Now, I for your
spouse. Open the calendar and plan one evening per week for going out for
a
date. To a candlelit restaurant. It must be the same day of the week and
not when time permits. It is planned; the time is safely secured like
Christmas. You do not decide when to celebrate Christmas. The date is
known year after year. The same should be true for having a date with your
spouse. Your spouse can count on it. And go out just the two of you, no
one else, and reconnect. And agree to have no computers, TV screens, or
smartphones in the bedroom so you can have pillow talk nightly.
Furthermore, I suggest a re-honeymoon on each anniversary of your wedding
day because, as one client of mine said, “One honeymoon is not enough for
a lifetime of marriage.”
Next, I with your
children. Every child gets scheduled undivided time, the same time, the
same day, for just the two of you. Not with all the kids. One kid at a
time so that each child gets your undivided attention. Each child is
different. Dedicate the time to something that that specific child
adores. Perhaps one likes horseback riding, another might prefer ballet, a
third child skateboarding or stamp collecting.
Now, schedule one long weekend per month or at least per quarter, for the
whole family, starting Thursday evening and ending Monday evening. Go
somewhere, away from home, without computers or smartphones. During that
long weekend, have a family meeting and establish rules of not
interrupting each other. Discuss whatever is bothering anyone that needs
to be addressed by the family.
Go somewhere, away from home,
without computers or smartphones.
During that long weekend, have a family meeting
and establish rules of not interrupting each other.
Discuss whatever is bothering anyone
that needs to be addressed by the family.
PUT ALL OF THIS IN THE CALENDAR. If you do not, it will not happen. It
will be difficult to honor these commitments as is. Without the
calendar reminder, my experience is that it has no chance of being
implemented.
You might want to extend the
I one more level, to
integration with the community. Explore allocating time for social
community work.
Now schedule time in the calendar for
E, time for discussing what changes need to be made in the company or in
your life. Do not mix executive committee meetings, which are usually for
A purposes, with
strategic planning, which is for
E purposes. If you
mix the two, A will
take up all of your time and
E will suffer.
Now that you have taken care of
I and
E, in the long run, allocate time for
A in your calendar.
This is when the executive committee will meet
or you will hold one-on-one meetings with your subordinates to follow-up
on decisions.
Of the time left, use it for
P – to call clients,
sell, or perform responsibilities that produce actual results.
P can be delegated as
much as possible.
Never ever have your calendar full.
This allows no time to think, no time to just reflect,
or to be available when someone needs you unexpectedly.
When you finish it all, look at your calendar. You should still have
thirty percent of the calendar empty. Reserve this time for unexpected
demands. Never ever have your calendar full. This allows no time to think,
no time to just reflect, or to be available when someone needs you
unexpectedly. You are a lousy executive if your secretary has to tell
someone begging for your time that you are only available next month or
worse, in two or three months.
I can imagine that in allocating the time you found that there are simply
not enough hours in a day, week or year to give each
PAEI role the time
you would like to dedicate.
Back to the drawing board. Just like when you budget money, you have to
make choices. You need to decide what to cut. You need to decide what is
in the “need to” category or in the “nice to” category.
Every quarter, have your secretary give you a report of how much time was
budgeted for each
PAEI role and how
much time was actually spent on each role. Next quarter, you can take
corrective action just like you do when budgeting money.
It is normal that you might have difficulties implementing these
recommendations. You might be too close to the action and have a hard time
making choices, a problem I have difficulty with myself. If this is the
case, then ask somebody close to you, someone you respect, to support you
in budgeting your time.
Notice the difference between being in control of how you spend your
time, to the usual practice where time is spent as dictated by the
problems.
Who should be in charge?
You of your Life?
or
Your Life of You?
Just thinking and feeling,
Dr. Ichak Adizes
https://www.ichakadizes.com/post/your-calendar-the-mirror-of-your-values
Article by
DR. ICHAK ADIZES
